Friday, December 26, 2008

Time with the TV

If BITSian life has changed one thing, that is the addiction to Television. Over the entire semester, other than the occasional cricket match or the hyped up EPL matches(I am just a beginner to football viewing, only watching when one of the big 4 plays, and am still confused about what an offside is), the idiot box is left to itself. 

So when I come home during holidays, and there's nothing better to do, channel surfing is the best hobby, and things have changed. 

Where the one channel for all times used to be Cartoon Network, it's now Zee News. It's taken the prize for the most entertaining channel by far. its amazing how even the silliest of news items are reported as earth-shattering catastrophes. Remember, that Shiv Sena crap few months ago(of course you don't, too much has been happenning in Mumbai to keep count, but still..) its a fact that there were more television reporters there than activists. Awesome right.

Then, there's the reporting and re-reporting of statements of cricketers and celebrities. Once there was this one line that Aamir Khan said about Shahrukh, and they had a half hour show on it. Its a defficultdeed, mind you. Having so less content but wasting an hour of the viewers' time. Barack Obama is an expert at this, give him one line to present, and he will embellish it with talk of change and how we must all stay united and blah blah blah... and the crowd will go wild regardless of what he says. Brilliant fellow.

Then the ads. Oh, they just make my day. Just yesterday, I saw this ad of Microsoft. The dad buys his son original mocrosoft ofice(stress on original, we college students know why they stress it right.. hehe) and then he became bright and his cupboard began filling with trophies and certificates. Imagine that... and parents actually fall for it. If that were true, apan PCr waale, who work on office all the time, would be all 10ps man. I'll tell juniors to advetise next time, "Join PCr and see your CGPA go through the roof"

Another of my favourite ones, is the mother having two sons, one brilliant in acads, and one great at sports. But the bitch still wants them both to be all-rounders. So she feeds them Tiger biscuits with IronZor. This ad epitomises parents' attitude in India. They want more more more.
Its ads llike these that are responsible for children commiting suicide after results.... Guess I've gone too far so lets leave that.

But the thing occupying prime time these days(other than the saas bahu serials, which I detest so much and consider to be such a time waste that I am going to ignore them, not wanting to waste my blogging time. I am even considering suing Ekta Kapoor for the time I have wasted waiting for my mother to serve dinner and for the unnatural slowness of the storyline, not to forget stupid cinematography and plots that defy the laws of Physics and Biology... but that's for later). 

Yeah, I was talking of the singing and dance shows. All of a sudden everyone in India is a singer, every fucking one. The barber, cobbler, the coolies, the office clerk... all of them. They all come onto Zee, Sony, Star where they study from Gurus(most of whose credibility I doubt, imagine Himesh Reshammiya teaching the next generation of singers, I'd prefer to be guillotined, at least its more dramatic) and are criticised everyday and are put to vote, so that the janta can choose their next superstar. Here the contestants plead for votes saying things like, "Mere bacche bhookh se mar rahe hain, meri maa ke operation ke liye paise nahin hain, Mijhe AIDS hai.. " and crap like that. And if that wasn't enough they've got children into the act too. God save India!

But the cream of the cake is... Tele... wait for it.. shopping. Yes, Teleshopping Network. The best thing on TV since the news of its invention. It so much fun, watching stupid silly white people showing cooking apparatus, cutting and slicing their way through carrots, acting shocked one silly demonstration after another, and that too dubbed in Hindi. Its hilarious... and the fact that it is not meant to be so, makes it even better.

Hot models who are so thin that I bet their daily diet includes smelling.. yes just smelling other people's plates, standing proudly next to the The Supertrimmer, and giving that brilliantly sterotyped "pehle main aise thi. par ab main aise hoon" speech week after week, each time with a different instrument. Then the voice comes on saying that if you order right now you will get this and that free along with a discount. The same ads come on every week. I wonder if anyone has ever actually orderd anything from these people, if you do know someone, gimme his number, I'd love to talk to him.

Chalo then bye for now. This topic is not yet exhausted but I am.... and probably you are too. So lets just call it a day... or night... or... whatever. Just go! 

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

I failed my driving test

For most people, especially those in the North and most especially in Punjab, famed for their bribe-hungry and corrupt Punjab Police, this would be akin to failing a blood test. But yes, whatever I say, or do now, however much I defend myself, it's gonna be on my record and it feels totally awesome (.. actually I feel like a huge ass, and this feeling of awesomeness is just a feel-good tactic).

If you have been keeping up with my posts lately, and are wondering whether I did it on purpose just so that I can blog about it.. there, there,  know how you feel. I know you are a fan, and worship me. But you see not everyone is perfect, and same for the guy taking my test. The guy made a mistake, and I forgive him. 

Actually I am proud of our RTO(Road Transport Office) for the fact that the test is so comprehensive- they made me reverse into a bend, change gears a few times, and even stop on a slope and restart from there- and even for a small error like not letting the clutch down fully when stopping the car(it was the first time I was driving this car, after having learnt from our car and not practicing for over 5 months, I guess it can be forgiven) I was failed. Though I failed the test, it felt good that he didn't just ask for a bribe in front of everybody and act like any other corrupt government office.

Waise, I am going to get my licence tomorrow. HEHE. He didn't ask for the bribe, but that was because he had been bribed already, but still I am proud. :)

I realized that my last post was too long, so this one's short. :)

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Conversation with a pimp

Hi all, sorry for the delay. The net in my house is down and so I have to come to dad's office and pursue this blogging hobby. One strange thing I have noticed about my reader count. It seems to spike whenever I write a new blog. Now if I was a very popular blogger, this would have been an easily understood trend. One or two people checking, then news spreading out, and count spiking whenever there is something new to offer.

But being a struggling blogger(an analogy for struggling actor, as opposed to star-son) its a little hard to imagine how this goes on. Obviously news doesn't float around that there's a new post but that my fans check regularly. Also once a post is read, I don't expect people to refresh 10-15 times, meaning that each person reading equates to one addition to the count. Now the only explanation I can think of, is that every time someone finds a new post, he/she looks around here and there, and in turn increases the count. But even this sounds silly because what newer things can you find on a blog than a new post. If anyone has anything to say to this do comment.

IMP NOTE: In case after reading the entire post, I hurt or misguide anyone please don't consider me to be an ass on the pretext of this incident (... if you though so before, I have no problem) I wasn't drunk when I did this, and it was just for a some adventure, as I was a little bored that nothign interesting had happenned. The story has been extremely exaggerated, and just to reiterate I am still the nice, sweet, smiling Arjun that you all know and love, just a little more adventurous.

Coming back to the point. Yes.... ROADTRIP. As I said before, and if I didn't let me say now, about a dozen of my friends, wingies at some point of my BITSian life, and who had been to Goa for PS-1 and who obviously hadn't had enough of this place, despite my terrible hostship during their stay(I was never with them, which in a way was good, because after their time here, they know more about Goa than I do... woh kehte hain na, ghar ki murgu daal barabar) felt that they needed to return despite the short span of holidays. And December being the peak tourist season, the incentive was more the stuff on the beaches, than the beaches themselves. Running, sun bathing, playing and moving freely on the beaches, as nature meant them to be. :)

The first day was a roadtrip, and just that. People from PS-1 will realize how silly the route was that we took, but this was because it was meant to be a roadtrip and nothing more. So we went to Panaji from Margao, shifted to our rooms, and came back all the way to Palolem and biked our way back.

At the end, the bikers.. that is me, Karan, Raghav, Manav and Karthik had our pelvic regions screaming for rest, but we went on. The weather was great, the roads even better and with the wind blowing and natural scenic sights left and right what more could you ask for. Most of the time we went through places where there was just the green of trees, brown of hills and blue of the sky all around us, and not having to deal with the usual rain water pelting downfrom above, was just what we needed to put the accelerators on full throttle and just sway to the curvy roads.

We reached Palolem, walked and talked for some time, and came back to Colva(near Margao) for dinner. the dinner was great, and what happenned afterwards even better.

After dinner, when we were walking back to our bikes, I noticed a slip of paper tucked near the handle bar of one bike. What I saw shocked, surprised, roflmaod and gagged me. Shocked because it had never occurred to me that we decent looking 20 somethings looked like that sort of people, surprised because the slip proved that we looked otherwise, roflmao and shocked(for e-illiteates rolling on the floor laughing my ass off) because the whole thing was too good and funny to be true. This is the second type of incident that I spoke of im my previous blog. Now I still have the slip tucked inside mywallet for proof. Let me type it out for you. On one side was"Waiter" and on the other, "Priya Madam, All Girls, and a phone number"

We all looked at each other, we had here an opportunity to make this day truly memorable. Needless to say, though we would state otherwise, at one point of time we were hesitant. But I was determined to make the most out of this opportunity. Also we had plenty of phones that wouldn't be of any use later, so Barun handed me his phone and I volunteered. I dialled the number and waited for the ringing. The call was busy. A few wanted to back out, but I said let's try again and this time it rang. If we had thought this through, probably the idea would have sounded really stupid and I would've cut the phone now. But being so spontaneous, we went through with it.

Don't ask me how but from what I heard, I could tell that this was a young teenage girl, with a dark complexion and black uncaring and staring eyes, wearing a yellow salwar with a green dupatta, with two pony tails with red ribbons on them. This is the mental picture I had of this girl, more from the image that Hindi movies have given me than from a proper knowledge of things.

Me: Hello, actually hum 13 log hain, Punjab se, Goa aaye hain. Humein yeh number mila and...(I just let my voice trail, this wouldn't even out me in a bad light in case it was a wrong number and also the point was conveyed to the right number.)

Girl: Abhi Priya madam hain nahin. Main aapko rates bata deti hoon. (Now by now I had figured out the first point, and the second confirmed our suspicion)

Me: Haan, to batao.

Now she asked me a whole lot of questions, which were mainly to confirm my authenticity as a potential customer and that I wasn't a police officer or any threat. It was easy to dodge them. So basically we were a group of 13 people, students form a college in Punjab, Punjabis by origin(mu indi is really that good you know :) ) come to Goa for two weeks for... ahem fun. We were staying in Mapusa and had come to Colva for dinner, when we received this note from a waiter of XXX hotel.(hehehe... did you think I'd tell you that too. We had two bikes and a car.

Girl: Theek hai(with a satisfied sigh) so rates hain. indian ka do hazaar aur foreign ka teen.

Me: Foreign mein kya kya hai?

Girl: Indonesian, Nepali... and a few more random countries.

Me: AIDS WAIDS ka koi certificate hai kya.

Girl: (Now this is a prize winning line) Agar darte ho, to karte kyon ho. itna hi dar hai, to mummy papa se bolkar shaadi karlo. itna risk to lena hi padega.

I was shocked at what she had said. Obviously she was hardened by life and didn't hesitate from showing it. She didn't try to woo me or try to impress me with cheezy lines. She bluntly stated the facts and the risks. While most advertisements and publicity material today, try to get the customer on their side, hiding even the smallest of risks, she was candid about such a big one.

I stammered and stumbled, I had no answer to this.

By now I knew that I had been found. I just murmured a few things, said that I would call back and put down the phone.

We later joked about the whole episode over ice-cream, and I returned home with an experience to blog about and a new found respect for the oldest profession in the world.

PS: If you want the number, send me an e-mail request along with an essay stating why I should give you the number and why I am the best blogger to have ever roamed the earth :)

Monday, December 15, 2008

It's official now, I don't have AIDS!!!

As usual, before I come to the topic, I would like to express some weird emotion. Today it is surprise. Surprise at how much I have become a blogger, and how addicted I have become to this new-found hobby. It so brilliant now, there suddenly seems so much to write about. I have begun to live from a blogging point of view. No no, its not like I need to be before the monitor screes 24x7, actually its just hr opposite.

Basically there are two noticeable changes. Every time something happens that's even remotely funny, out of the ordinary or just plain unusual, something devilish awakens inside. I hunch back my shoulders, lick my lips, stare desirously and rub my hands with glee(I don't actually do it, its just a picture I like to paint for myself), thinking about how I'd blog about it and how challenging it would be to present this bland incident into something really worthwhile.

The second is everytime an opportunity to do something different presents itself, I grab it without a second's thought(or a second thought... whatever appeals to you) hoping that whatever happens, whether I fail or succeed(in the above mentioned differentiating opportunity) I will most definitelt blog about it, and feel good.

Most surprisingly, I don't have to go around looking for topics, things just happen, as they always did. I am just more observant. Try it, I'm sure you'd feel the same.

Waise, today's topic belongs to the first category of incidents, and my next post, "Conversation with a pimp" belongs to the second.

Though I'm sure a lot of you would like me to post the second one first, I'm not going to. Why? Just to show that I blog for myself, and don't care whether I am read or red(hehe, I meant to type read or not, but the typo was too silly to backspace). To prove that I am unaffected by my reader count(though I visit it everyday, :) when it rises and :( when it falls)

Here goes. Some of you may know, and some may not, some on hearing it would smile and be happy for me, while others would dart my face mentally with choicest fleeting expletives(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fleeting_expletive for non GRE-ites), going !@#$%^. But I am going to Singapore and there isn't a darn thing you can do. HEHE, lite lo, just kidding.

As part of my VISA application, I was required to undergo a few tests, and guess what the Ministry of Manpower requires people seeking an employment pass to undergo a chest x-ray and an HIV blood test. When I first read it, first I re-read it, and then told everybody about it. Though it's nothing extraordinary, it just... I don't know.. it felt like something different.

As it was too late I had to get it done here in Goa, so the day after I arrived I went to the family doctor. I took my mom along, as she knew him and hopefully that would help us jump the queue(don't you bloody make that face, we all do it, I am just admitting it).

Now this trick worked, and I went in ahead of half a dozen people of all possible, shapes, sizes, colours, ages, dental conditions, clothing tastes, even genders(hehe, just made up the last one). A post could be written on the 5 minutes that I waited in line, but not even my enemies deserve this brutal a punishment, so I'll let that pass.

I explained to the doctor, what needed to be done. He scribbled HIV and chest X-ray on two slips. Which slip said what, I couldn't figure, but I'm not a pharmacist right(I guess they'd need to have a course on handwriting recognition in pharmacy colleges from what I have seen them reading from) I remember once, when a doctor apparently spit on my prescription(given that he used a red pen, that's the closest simile I could think of) but the pharmacist had no problem at all getting my the right stuff.

Coming back... where were we? Oh yes, there was a pathology lab on the ground floor of the building with the doctor's clinic(aren't there always.. and yes, you guessed it, a pharmacy too). It looked more like a bar than a lab.. but then again, this is Goa we're talkig about. Who knows what happens there at night? :)

Now here comes the funny part. The person in charge, was a young nurse in cheap party wear(I swear that's what I thought when I first saw her) and when I entered my mom was with me :) . No, the situation wasn't awkward, it was just a stupid thing that needed to be done, but the nurse didn't know this.

When I showed her the slip, she looked at me and them at my mom, and gave an awkward smile. It struck me a little later, and it was hilarious. I'm sure she must've thought, "What a supportive mother!!" I couldn't stop giggling, but somehow composed myself. It got even better when she asked me questions like, How old are you? Where do you live? and Have you had this test before? I guess seeing my mom there, she's didn't probe further, else I'm sure she would have asked, When did it happen? Did you use a ...? And if it was a male nurse. Was it worth it? HEHEHE. And seeing my adventurous form lately, I'm sure I would have given some worthy answers.

The test took little over 5 minutes, and I was determined to get more out of the situation. Before she came out, I asked my mom to wait outside near the bike. When the nurse came out with the report in a sealed envelope, I feigned a worried look and for extra points tried to shiver my hands as though the envelope held the key to my future. Of course, she was smiling. I furst wore a worried look, but smiled only after her smile and made sure she noticed my awkward delayed smile turning into a full fledged joyous grin, on opening the envelope.

Nothing as eventful happenned with the chest X-ray. Just that I would have liked to face the camera when he took my pic. LOL... no guys I'm not drunk.

Later on the day, Katiyar calls me to ask about the HIV test result. What a bastard!!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

My last post from Bhagirath

Nothing I say, or do, no joke that I crack, no speech I make, no sarcastic comment, no amount of distractions, no amount of alcohol... nothing can change what today is. Today is my last day at this abode of education, this dwelling that has given me the best days of my life,  the best, the very goodest place on earth, and nothing can change that. 

Forget summer of 69, these were the best days f my life. Everything changed that fateful night when I entered the gates of BITS-Pilani. Though we did not realize it, it set wheels in motion. People from all over India, who given any other permutation would never have met each other, began a journey that would change everything in their lives. That day I saw and met strange people, people so strange I hadn't even heard some of the places they had come from. From time to time I thought to myself, if I was an hour early, or had I arrived the next day, how different would things have been. I would've been in another hostel with different people. How different would I turn out? Would I have become a ghotu, maybe later to be part of Wi-Fi?(However ridiculous it may sound, it was a possibility) Or would I have become a hard core gamer, spending all day on DOTA or CS? I probably wouldn't have done a lot of things that I am grateful for, or would I?

Now 3 and a half years down the line, I think again, and you know what? I wouldn't have changed a thing. Not because I am happy for what I have become. But because, it wouldn't have changed things. You see, we are what we choose, consciously or sub-consciously. 

The course of our lives is not determined by our abilities, but by our choices. No matter where you are from or when you arrived, nothing would've changed. A few friends here and there maybe, but what you are now is a collective outcome of the choices you made, during the course of your time here, and I am happy for the choices that I made. 

Coming back to psenti-stuff. I admit it, I love BITS and have no qualms admitting that I am going to cry all the way to Delhi. No other place in the world could've given me what BITS has. The answer to who I am. My time has been a journey of self-discovery. Every person I met, every thing I did, every course that I studied, taught me something about myself, and for that I am ever grateful. 

Coming to the people, every place is defined my its people, and in India, where the most abundant resource is human resource, its difficult to get such quality in quantity, unless you're in a university such as BITS. 

Here, in 3 and half years, I have made friends and foes, people I will forever remember, people I wish I had never met, people that I want to be like, and people seeing whom I am thankful that God didn't make me like them, but most importantly I have met people who are special and have become important to me, and that includes each and every one here. My wingies, my PCr mates, my juniors, the chowkis, the mess workers, the Deans, the professors, the rediwallas, the C'not people, the worshop fellows, the rickshawallas, the guy selling sweet corn, IC workers, the guy in O-Lab, the fellow in Gym-G, the OASIS outstation participants, the alumni who visit.... each and every one of you is special, and I thank you for making me feel so very special. 




Saturday, December 6, 2008

Airport Encounters

My reader count has shot ominously since the last few days, ever since I started writing about nothing at all, nothing in particular. So its true then, the butterfly chasing, the giving up and then the sitting of the butterfly on thy shoulder story, or maybe I am just that awesome, that very popular but people are realizing it just now.

A few of you might have noticed that, I have begun quite a few posts in a similar way. For those who have- its called blogging license, I can do and write anything I like so just shut up and keep your comments to yourself, and those who didn't-lite lo and read on.

So as the title says, I'm going to relate some of my encounters with the fair sex. But as I am all out of them, just as I was 15 years ago, I'd rather keep it normal and tell you about a couple of funny incidents at airports.

Up until BITS, I had never travelled by plane. Well, actually there was this once when my mom was pregnant with me, but I didn't have much chance to screw up then. Though my 2 year old elder brother more than made up for it, by dropping hot coffee all over the unsuspecting airhostess. 

The first time, was after first year when I travelled by Kingfisher to Goa. I know most of you are smiling, and yes I too was smiling as I boarded the plane. But at the Delhi airport, which was my first look at one, I got into the wrong line and misguided around a dozen people behind me.

I arrived quite early had plenty of time to use the loo. For those who are curious and 'achambit', the best way to see how much money was spent building in a public building is to have a look at the loo, more specifically the urinals. The answer will probably be wafting in the air even before you reach it.

So basically I realized at the last moment, when the guy ahead of me asked how long it would take to reach the Gateway of India after we landed. So I hurried off and was the last in line. We were on schedule, but once I entered I could feel all eyes on me, as though it was a bus that would have left earlier had I not been late. I could hear whispers "yeahi hai woh, saala, jisne late karwaya." The plane had a stopover at Mumbai, and I had half a mind to get down, but somehow managed not to screw up.

The second time, I was again at Delhi airport. This time I had humungous luggage, weighing as much as 3 Kingfisher airhostesses put together. One is allowed 20 kg luggage, excluding hand luggage. When I put my luggage on the machine, it showed 33 kg, and she asked me to pay 900.

900, that's half the cost of the frigging ticket. But she wouldn't budge. I tried a few bargaining tricks, "C'mon ma'm, I am a student. Am going home after a year and a half and besides I don't have any cash." The !@#$% didn't budge, so I had to go back, open up the scanned luggage, and change my main luggage bag to my handbag and vice versa, and get it scanned all over again. It was dreadful, I was in Delhi airport, pulling out pieces of shorts, undergarments, socks and what not, and stuffing them into my so called hand bag.

Now this final "hand bag", looked as though it contained a dead body and I looked like one of those workers at a construction site, carrying around bags of cement. The security guys were all staring at me. One even said, "Bhai sahab, yahaan sirf hand bags allowed hain". Huffing and puffing and out of breath, I dropped my bad with a thud replied, "Yeh mera hand bag hi hai, hand mein hi hai na". 

The fun doesn't stop here. After the half hour wait, when the announcement was of the plane's arrival. I got in line, and the lady security guard stops me, and why? The guy who metal-detects you, and tidies you up later, hadn't stamped my boarding pass. She asked me to repeat the whole fucking process.

I had quarter of a mind, to argue. But the Sherpa lady guard, with a huge bun and a mole under her nose, looked like one of those rakshashis in Ramanand Sagar's Ramayana. So I obediently returned, to behind the metal detector. When I went forward, they asked me to go back and deposit the mobile so it could go through the scanner. Unbelievable! It was as though the bloody X-Ray scanner would scan all contacts, find possible links to the underworld and remove any chances of it being a bomb. 

My worst fear was that, if I sped to anything over a casual walk, chugging along this dead body,  moving against the line, I'd be mistaken for a suicide bomber and shot. Jaane tu ke climax mein saalon ne dikahaya hoga, saale abhi karke dikhao, goli se uda denge.

Now again I was late to board, and again those meaningless stares, "Yehi hai woh, yehi hai". 

Mostly, when you reach your seat, the airhostess helps you put your luggage in the upper compartment. But looking at my luggage, the bag of cement, she didn't even bother. So I somehow pulled it to the top, punched it gently a few times, after all kidney wagairah bachani thi na bechne ke liye. Finally reached, safe, sound and bruised.


No new post here.. but don't dismay

Sorry guys, there's not new post now. I have just updated my "Thank You Note"  http://inconvenienceregretted.blogspot.com/2008/11/thank-you-note.html

Friday, December 5, 2008

Times of Yore

Here I am again. Hope this is not too much trouble, and I hope you're not addicted. Because if you are, I'm here only a while longer, to be gone, not knowing when I'll return.

No, no, I'm not feeling psenti. Just random shit. Btw, my paper went fine. It was more of a test of my writing skill than actual factual recollection. If I write to the point, I'll fill only 5 lines, but its a 10 mark compre question, so I am obliged to call upon all my writing prowess and vocabulary skills and fill in 8 sheets. 

A simple sentence such as, "Valmiki authored Ramayana" is transformed into "According to historical evidence, which surprisingly conforms to local wives' tales as well as local heresay, one is brought to believe, however unlikely it may seem, that the immensely historically and philosophically important scripture of Ramayana, the story of the ideal man and his quest to hold his ideals dear to him, despite all obstacles was penned down by the great writer Valmiki with divine intervention and under the supervision of the Gods". So now you also know why I blog.

Leaving that aside, yes I am feeling a little psenti and spend a lot of time reminiscing. No, not about BITS, that would just bring tears to my eyes. I try and compare how much things have changed since school.

Remember, in school, we were made to wear washed, ironed and spotless uniforms, shiny black shoes with matching black socks, neatly combed hair and cut nails. And now?? Forget wearing clean clothes, I haven't bathed for a week, and my utterly stinking socks are lying right next to me. I have worn this same pair of socks this whole semester-placements, tea party, cricket, jogging and what not. My hair hasn't felt a comb in years, and my nails resemble claws.

Then I remember the note books. ohhhh, just the thought sends shivers down my spine. The books had to be covered with brown plastic covers, and neatly labelled, with an index. Red lines were drawn after each answer, double for names of lessons. The teachers used to correct each book... can you imagine!! each and every f***ing book. I seriously have trouble believing that. And at the end of the lessons stuff like, V. Good, or V.V. Good. The more Vs, the prouder I'd feel. Just a Good was just not good enough. 

And parents!! that part was seriously hilarious... every now and then, one weekend would be open house, wherein parents were called to receive their wards' report cards and hear their class teachers either complain about their son talking too much in class or not paying attention.

The best part was definitely the monitors. Everytime I remember this part,  just ROFLMAO. Each class had a class monitor, the syudent who stood first in class, who's job was to write down the names of the people who were talking... seriously man talking, not kissing or making out, just plain simple talking. And each added instance of talking would invite a cross next to your name. And the punishments, finger on your lips, kneel down, stand on the desk and murga ban. 

How much things have changed, forget having covered and corrected notebooks, or covered books, or even just books. Ab to xerox notes zindabad. Forget the Vs before the Good, as long as you're Av+ you're jumping for joy.

Parents aren't called for just report or rather grade cards. If parents are called in BITS, most come to know of what happenned reading the mess notice boards. Rest of the parents, the same one's who came every open house, could be congratulated if they know one course you're having this semester.

Monitors aren't selected, Presidents and General Secretaries are elected, with all dhoom and dhamaka. The punishments though less severe, are now nightmarish. I'd go through a hundred murgas, I'd kneel and walk like that from C'not to VK, if spared one meeting with you-know-who. 

Summer holidays with the family are now foreign internships. Anything at all to add one extra line to the resume. Talking of Basic Instint was taboo and now Jenna Jameson moans aloud all day all over Bhagirath Bhawan. Hand held video games used to excite, but now even NFS Undercover seems drab.

We have changed, a lot and seemigly for the better. But are you sure? There were meaningless rules then that we blindly followed and now we have this fake freedom, this 'independence' that we so take for granted. Then, we walked on paths that others had laid for us, and now that we're independent, we take predetermined paths to "success". Are these different???

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Compre time treat.... my blog

Its a weird feeling, that I am feeling. I used to look hither and thither for good topics to blog about. But surprise surprise, a simple incident like my encounter with the demons of windows and my unseccessful resolve not to get screwed, seems to have generated some interest. Either that or its just Compreites(if you have a better word do tell me) having nothing else to do to pass time, and having fun at my cost. Whatever the reason, I like it!!!

Thus despite having my first and second-last compre tomorrow and not having finished half the syllabus and maybe needing a night out and that too for an unnecessary course like Heritage of India, I shall not break my promise and shall try to make your fuck-ed up day a little more meaningful.. (whatever that means)

Now regardless of how stupid and silly I feel pacing up and down the corridor flipping through a billion photocopied(not xeroxed) notes, I can't help but notice a little of the subject matter, and as far as confusions go this one's a blue whale. (as in a very big one... sorry out of similes)

The course has a large part dedicated to Upanishadic philosophy and Vedanta. Amidst all the crap, there are mentions of an ultimate reality, of a superior being. The Upanishads say that the path to moksha or enlightenment is through knowledge or Gyanakarma. The bad news is this is not Mathematical or Electronic knowledge.. probably CompSci stuff(if you're confused here read my earlier post). Else Issac Newton would have attained moksha 15 times over. No, it's knowledge of Brahmana or the super soul. Retracing a few missing facts, Upanishads have a monoistic theme, implying that they stress on one ultimate reality, as opposed to dualistic, about which I don't know shit.

Basically, you have the atman(the soul), the Brahman(super soul) and nirvana(not the band.. you fucking retards, salvation). So one goes through lives, suffering all along, that it if you call, chatting with you friends on gtlak, owning a MacBook Air, priding over a 1TB hard disc(sorry but it had to come out ok...) and all the fun stuff you do here on earth, suffering. Then one attains salvation, merges with the Brahman and attains everlasting happiness. There is no mention of what this happiness consists of, the course is conspicuously silent on this fact.

If you ask me, it will be like a scene in Mahabharata, in Lord Indra's assembly, with fully clothed (:P) beautiful mistress dancing in the middle, and the guys wearing weird ornaments and multicoloured lungis(a t-shirt would be better any day of the year) all bloody hypocrites following Indra in repeatedly saying "waah waah waah waah" and Narada Muni appearing every once in a while "Narayan Narayana".

Now if you ask me what I like, I'll go with the sufferring here on earth. I mean c'mon guys, when the Vedas were written there were flying monkeys, multiplying arrows, demons who lived for millions of years and still performing tapasyas to live forever, even though every God they please refuses it. Who knows what's there after moksha? What if it all just ends, and turns out to be the matrix. However not true this is, I like my Matrix, even if whatever mess food I eat is programmed by the architect to taste bad.

What of you just find a book on Brahman, gain all the knowledge you need, and then just die on the spot having attained salvation. Worse still, what of you're a virgin. It gives me nightmares. So I am just gonna flip through my notes and wherever I feel I am learning too much, I guess I'll just open up the 'stuff ' folder on D drive. :)

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

I am an asshole

Reading this title, I am sure most of you would give a sarcastic smile and say stuff like, "Of course, didn't you get the memo" or "Good that you realized it now" or even "I always wanted to tell you so, but I was afraid to hurt your feelings". But it's true, I am and its become apparent the last couple of days.

Now its compre time, and lots of hearts will be broken, lots of tubelights will be properly field tested and many books will receive a battering like they never have the whole semester. During this time, psentsemite that I am, I will be busy filling up my 1TB harddisc and mostly giggling mockingly at anything resembling a non-psentisemite. And to make up for this, I will blog for you. Why? To cheer you up, and what better way to cheer someone up than to show him someone else's misery. Its human mentality, we revel in others' misery. So here goes,

It is common knowledge now, that I have bought myself a 1TB external harddisc. If I haven't, just stare at me for over 3 minutes, the topic is bound to come up. I am, to be modest, very proud of it. Because I have just graduated from a measly one bedded 40GB apartment in suburban Jhoomri Talaiyya to a posh multistoreyed Mukesh Ambani's 1TB residential locality.

But life is a great leveller, and I guess God wished to punish me for all the crap I threw on A7 ites. I get it now man, even God is biased, he likes CompSci, thats fne with me. No hard feelings.

After I opened the gleeming new Western Digital, 1TB MY BOOK, it stood before me in all its glory, and I just didn't have the heart to plug it in my slightly virus infested laptop. So my heart expressed an interest to format it to remove all malware, and freshly install Windows XP.

Mistake number 1. There is no such thing as a non-virus infested Windows running laptop, because its part of a law Newton thought unnecessary to pen down. Everyone knows that, I do to, now...

So gleefully I went from room to room knocking on doors asking for a Windows XP CD. When I started it was a cheerful, "Yaar XP ki CD hai kya". That went to, "Oye XP CD de be"... and finally to "BC XP ki CD de nahin to comp oopar se phenk doonga". And it worked.

Mistake number 2: God loves A7 and by being rude to some of his mistresses, I upset him.

So just like a nice sweet boy, all pure, who's never done anything wrong, who thinks that he's done nothing to upset the almighty I inserted the XP CD and rebooted. A little blue screen, a little formatting, a little sweet noise from my hard disc and a new fresh Windows installed on my sweet little COMPAQ.

I recollected what the next step in the manual was, and remembered that I needed drivers. Hehe, I know what you must be thinking, "Hehe, this dickhead didn't save them before formatting". Well, stop smiling, you're wrong about the saving but the dickhead thing is right on target. I saved them on a pendrive. Now you can smile.

Now most people, would think yeh saala pendrive bade computer ka kya hila lega, but to be crude, bahut kuch. Pendrive laga nahin, ki mere pyare virgin lappy ki maa, behen, biwi, bacche, chachi, dadi, nani, sab saath mein..... chhud gaye. Phuck ho gaya mere saath.

Sab try kar liya, kuchh nahin hila paaya. Jab wing ke A7 waalon ko bataya, sab hanse, koi advice nahin, kuchh nahin, bas saale hanse. I stomped back to my room, having resolved not to give up.

Mistake No. 3, Jab kuchh karne ki aukaat na ho, lite lo, give up kar do.

So I repeat the whole process, this time I am smart. I ask for the best antivirus. Norton 2007, Vista Compatible, I am told. So I take the same pendrive, scan it on a friend's comp, to remove the half kilogram of malware on it, (never seen an antivirus so active, every nanosecond there was a pop-up). Put the antivus setup into it and reboot to reformat. I do every thing right, every bloody fucking thing, and guess what it comes out fine. Happily, I hum to myself, as I start filling up my 1TB. Piece of cake I tell myself :) I put DC on a trillion things, and go to sleep.

Next morning, I get a message, "Your Norton AntiVirus is not validated, uninstall then reinstall". I had half a mind to call a friend, but I could take care of this myself.

Mistake 4, listen to your mind, whatever fraction of it. >= 0.5 is good enough.

So I do as it says, and another story unfolds. Needless to say, if I had any pull-outable hair, I would have pulled them all out. I go around looking for another XP CD, maybe the CD was corrupt. Going through the rounds again, I see that it's not just my lappy, but a plague, all the comps were getting screwed, GENOCIDE.

Finally I get one XP CD, which is even more corrupt than Bihari MP. Then someone tells me that there's a hermit in new wing, all wise and sagacious, with an uncorrupt CD. I go to him, head bowed down, kneeling before him, and the generous all knowing one, bestowed upon me a simple moserbaer CD. Then I realised, there is no secret ingredient, it is all within you.

I insert, reboot and reinstall, feeling and believing from within that this CD will work fine. It worked fine, and I am joyous. On my way to the all knowing one, I overhear someone saying Linux is the best, no malware, no shit, and you can have both Windows and Linux together. I enquired with the all knowing one and he nodded.

Mistake no 5: There is no all knowing, everyone's a hoax. every fucking one.

So I borrow a Linux CD, it was all read and had ubuntu written over it. It looked like a silly little game CD. But I did as I was told. And it was done, I felt joyed, overjoyed even. I restart and what do I see, XP is re-fucked. This time there is no anger, no frustration, only tears. O God, what sins have I done in my previous life. Certainly in this short 20 year lifespan, nobody could have committed such heinous crimes as to deserve this.

Slowly the tears turn to resolve, and I go back anf grab the XP CD, show the middle finger to many confused faces on the way back, and insert, reboot and reinstall.

Mistake no.?? Lite, I lost count. I'd like to quote the alchemist, when you are getting screwed and you fight back, all the universe conspires in helping to teach you a lesson.

Most readers would have given up now, saying, "C'mon he can't screw up this time", but as the title says, I am an asshole. If I had to guess how I could screw up this time, you'd get a treat at ANC(sorry guys low on budget). I installed Windows on D drive, the drive where ubuntu was installed. So now I have 2 drives with Windows XP, one corrupt the other about to be.

Epilogue:

My Computer hard disc has been screwed so hard, so bad, so many times over, that whenever it gets a little, I just kiss the monitor and say, "There, there"

All the XP CDs have been rightfully returned to their owners, the corrupt ones with a skull and crossbones sign on it.

My wingies laugh at me like they were being paid to.

My external hard disc is with Kattu to fill. Apparently he's never had viruses on his computer. Ohh.. if I could just strangle him.

I can't look at myself in the mirror. I am now running XP at the lowest possible brightness, colour...basically everything is at its lowest. Am back to living in my measly 40GB single bedded shack.

The all knowing one doesn't really exist. I just made him up. HEHE.. fooled you!!

Somewhere between those formats, there was even a time my LAN wasn't working, and obb I thought it was a virus. So I reformatted and thinking that my MAC was blocked I went to IPC , only to realize that it wasn't, I returned home to a perfectly working MAC. So to reiterate,

When you are getting screwed and you fight back, all the universe conspires, even people who have no business with you otherwise, in helping to teach you a lesson, by srewing you over again. Like the rebirth and salvation concept.

Lite ra... way too much for today. I won't wish you yest of luck for comprees, 'coz if yo have the time to reach here, either you don't need luck, or you don't give a f**k.

Friday, November 28, 2008

What to write in a Write-Up

Most BITSians would know what a write-up is. But for the benefit of those who don't... during farewells, you know the formal goodbyes to the people in your Assoc or Club, friends get together and speak about a certain guy/girl that they feel about, to those gathered.

Again for those who have been to write-ups, especially this year will have seen some brilliance... hats off Nakul, loved it man.

But what I want to say is, what exactly a write-up should be about. Yes, we have seen really funny hilarious and awesome write-ups. After all, who doesn't enjoy seeing a guy go on-stage and get embarrassed... be it the guy who's reading rather than the fellow whose write-up is being read out. But seeing the level of intolerance and some incidents that have transpired the last few farewells, I guess we should realize that not everybody has done great things here, not everybody has stories about weird sexual positions and masturbating mishaps, not all of us have entertaining encounters with the opposite sex... in short not everyone's write-up can be as good a mine, to be frank and un-modest... and more importantly not everyone can read a write-up as well as some gifted people like me. What can I say man, I rock in everything I do, though kabhi kabhi hug deta bhi hoon.

So when you sit at a farewell, and a not so interesting write-up is being read, or if the person is not known to you, don't just dismiss it and boo away. Take the opportunity to know the person who has been living not more than 100m away for over 3 years, whom you see almost everyday but never conversed with, and appreciate the enthu of the friends who have taken the trouble to try and embarrass the guy in front of everyone. And for God's sake, kisi aur ladki ko pakdo yaar, ek don ko itna embarrass mat karo, baakiyon ko bhi important feel karao.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

A Farewell to remember..


It's been a busy week, with formal tea parties, informal farewells, naughty write-ups, free dinners, PS - 2 stuff, project work and make-ups. Now I have several times, expressed my love for my department. Not the work and stuff... that's always secondary. The people and the fun times. And recently my juniors gave me even more reason to be proud. Now we have all seen and experienced farewells, but none like this one.

In case you have the time, do come over to Bhag new wing, Ram upper front wing, and Ashok pi wing, and look at our invite. Invites are made to be different, but this one stood out like an oasis in a desert. This was just a sign of things to come.

The next day, we psentisemites were asked to be ready by 8am... :) No need to smile, we weren't late, actually we were an hour early(keeping in view psentisemites' rule of arrival 2 hours behind schedule). We weren't told where we were going, outside campus was a 20 seater bus ready to take us to... Surajgarh. A piece of advice, do in your BITSian life visit it once. Awesome place. Its a former fort, that's been renovated into a resort.

Once we arrived, we were given red carpet treatment... literally. And with each of us being accompanied up the stairs, by lovely young ladies on eitherside, we felt nothing short of royalty. After a brief trip through the palace cum fort cum resort, filled with wierdly posed pics, singing, some really really weird games :) and otherwise generally running around, we spent time at the pool.

If I ever have to list out some of the best times I have had here (and I have had many) this would definitely be in the top three. It was really fun, there weren't any tensions, worries, phone calls, arguments..anything of that sort. Just a bunch of really good friends, having fun. The water brought out the best in us, the child within. We could have been mistaken for little children who have just found a new game to play.

The food was brilliant... I mean seriously GOD LEVEL, a customised preparation for us exteemed psentisemites with handpicked dishes.. the hands that did the picking i.e. our juniors did a fantastic job of it.

After hours of lazing around, we sat down for a session. Recounting all the great times we had, all the laughs, the work... (I wasn't involved here much :) ), the great times, the trips (ohh.. the trips), the politics :) , the fights, the arguments... in hindsight they all bring a smile to my face. I have no regrets for the things that I did, but just for a few for those that I didn't. We felt like learned gurus, sharing our knowledge for the benefit of posterity.

Thus ended a day that I will never ever forget. Despite all that has happenned, we... I speak for all of us psentisemites, love you all. And no matter, how much you screw up, we will always be there for you. Thanks again for a wonderful farewell.

Monday, November 24, 2008

A Thank You Note..

So its the last few days of my BITSian life, and every time I recollect and reflect over the awesome time I had here, tears fill my eyes. Now it would be wrong, rude, impolite, disrespectful and utterly improper, if- before I leave -I do not say thanks to all the awesome people that have given me such an eventful 3 and half years.

So here goes.. and a couple of points here. The list is in no order of priority, so please do not complain. However if you still have grievances, please direct them to google's customer care centre. Seriously try it, it would be fun :). And secondly there are a few 'thank you's that cannot be declared openly over blogosphere, however open and overt I try to be. So these people will be sent e-mails. Yes, I will try my best to send e-mails to all those people, who have affected me, however small their contribution. It is going to be a huge number. I will draft these as I feel appropriate.

Also a warning, this list is going to be modified often and also probably end up being really really weird, so please bear with me.

Thank You DC++
For:
  1. Freedom from IP multicasts
  2. Enabling me to fill up my 1TB hard disc
  3. All the other reasons, right or wrong.
Thank You, 1681 BITSians who voted for me
For:
  1. Believing in me....
  2. Giving me such a wonderful opportuntity to screw up my grades.
  3. Letting me take you for a ride, with my sweet talk, dashing smile, clean image and incredible persona. :)
Thank You, the rest who didn't
For:
  1. Nothing man, just NE NE NE NENE(childish mocking chant). Hehe, light ra. Just joking, Prashant was and still is a good friend. 
Thank You, OASIS
For,
  1. Giving me an annual dose of adrenaline, testosterone and the related hormones.
Thank You, PS Division,
For:
  1. Allotting me my PS station early, so that I can spend my last few days worry-free and poke fun at others. 
  2. Making my tenure as General Secretary infinitely less troublesome(am referring to the reshuffle a semester before my elections)
  3. Having so many PS-1 stations in Goa, so my friends could be there.
Thank You, A3
For:
  1. Deadly faculty
  2. Deadlier time
  3. Deadliest course of my life. ADVD and /or MuE
Thank You, mess
For:
  1. Subsistence... not food, thats only on alternate Sundays. Just subsistence
Thank You, all the girls in BITS
For:
  1. Making me realize, that good guys truly do come last.
  2. Being the subject of so many midnight b'day celebrations... well that thank you goes to only about 6 of them, c'mon with so less choice, there's bound to be intersections.
Thank You, Bengal/Rajasthan.. jahaan kahin se aaya
For:
  1. Giving us Bharat Mimani
Thank You, Shiv Ganga,
For:
  1. Those wonderful stories. Mere liye stories hi reh gayi yaar.
Thank You, BITS dhobis
For:
  1. Making me independent, by forcing me to wash my own clothes.
Thank You, that webcam that took our pics the first day we arrived
For:
  1. Capturing our worst... absolute worst. I know people who have eyepatches on their ID cards.
Thank You, Nithesh, Vijay, Vikrant, Rachit, TPD, Sinchan, Arpit, Dhruv and the rest
For:
  1. Making my last SU elections... so so very memorable. I just hope you people will feel the same and remember it for all the right reasons.
Thank You, Delhi
For:
  1. Being just the right distance away, being accessible yet making every trip special.
Thank You, everyone who smiled at me any day

For:
  1. Making my day that day.
Thank You, VLC media player,
For:
  1. Playing anything and everything I throw at you. You give me hope, there's nothing you can't do. I wish to be like you VLC.
Thank You, GOOGLE.
For:
  1. The many ready made assignments that you directed me to, WIKIPEDIA helped here too.
  2. Gtalk and the many long chats, which would have otherwise cost a lot of money on phone.
Thank You, BLOGGER.com
For:
  1. Helping me with my passion/part time ambition/interest in writing and communicate my ideas.
  2. Helping me do this, 'Thank You' note with style.
  3. Directing me towards some horrendously bad ( BITSian)blogs, so that I may learn from them.
Thank You, THE JINxD
For:
  1. Letting me stay in the group. :)
  2. Tolerating my antics and PJs and general weird stuff that I do
  3. Being the bestest pals in the whole wide world, never to be forgotten. EVER!!!!
Thank You, PCr
For:
  1. Being the best department in the StuCCA body :)
  2. Giving me friends like, Kattu, Chussi, LJ, Vishwa, Ganeri and Sabbu, who I wouldn't have met otherwise.
  3. The wonderful juniors, seriously man, you all rock. Not matter how much you screw up, I love you all dearly!
Thank You, BITS ELECTIONS
For:
  1. Teaching me so much about myself
  2. Letting me test my limits and capabilities.
  3. Teaching me to judge people and handle situations.
  4. Giving me so so many friends, and many many more admirers and fans :) I love you all!
Thank You, DC++
For:
  1. Friends, Heroes, Prison Break, HIMYM etc
Thank You, Heather Graham, Jenna Jameson, Kim and the rest.. I think you get the message
For:
  1. Helping me and so many other BITSians transit from boys to men. :)
Thank You, ANC, rediwaalas, FoodKing.
For:
  1. At least feeding us during psentisem properly
  2. Being the best hangout places in the world. CCD, Barista, KFC lite... ANC rocks!!!
Thank You, 2006 batch
For:
  1. Giving me such an eventful psentisem. I will never forget this sem
  2. The brilliant elections. Take this with a pich of salt
  3. Proving that, only the first BITSAT batch 'really' rocks.
Thank You, BITS Goa
For:
  1. Proving that, though the other Pilani batches don't rock as much.. they certainly don't suck as much either.
  2. Keeping most Goans in Goa. I couldn't stand being responsible for another regional association here, and definitely not people swearing at my dear lovely Goa. For my fellow Goans, lets please keep it that way. Let Pilani BITSians experience Goan culture when they are ready and travel to Goa.
Thank You, Sharmaji, Blue Moon, Nobel's
For:
  1. The lovely gulab jamuns, paranthas / fried maggi, MNBs, PPW / chicken rice, biryani respectively.

More to come later.. This is gonna be loooooong

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Of Cats and Bells

We Indians don't have much to brag about, rather than our large brains, our educated young BPO worthy population and the difficulty levels of our national level examinations. Now AIEEE, IIT-JEE, IAS, CAT and the others on that list, revel in the fact that so many young people who should be playing and laughing and enjoying life, spend weeks and months of sleepless nights for a 2-3 hour performance, which is a stress test rather than a gauge of intellgence. The more lives ruined the higher the status of the exam. Now leaving that little debate for later, I would like to recount my experience at CAT.

Just like my performances at AIEEE, JEE and BITSAT, I didn't really prepare for it. Why? Because I am a full fledged Board topper! I don't like competitive exams. CAT just happenned in a moment of insecurity when placements had just begun. But it was a well taken decision in hindsight. I even signed up for Career Launcher's mock tests, gave two of them, never sitting for over an hour (its a 2.5 hour paper btw)

My test centre was at Jaipur, the exam was on the 16th of November. So me and Dhall, went by bus on 15th afternoon, and stayed at Baidy's place. I reached the centre at 9 am(we had to reach by 9.45 and the paper starts at 10.30) Almost an hour to take it all in.

When you reach the centre, its more like an exhibition of local (international) B-Schools-than a national level examination centre-most of whose hoardings have spelling errors, some even misspelt business!!! :) I wonder if they teach advertising, because if they can't do it properly for themselves... only God knows what they can teach. I wasn't so sure until now, but laptops have become really really cheap, all B-schools offer them for free :) and of course they talk of having 100% placements, with a picture of a pretty made-up girl in a call centre next to it. Brilliant!! People who do get duped into such institutes of higher learning deserve such jobs.

Then of course there are the coaching institutes. The only reason I can think of, for their weird names, is that there are now way too many such institutes and in an attempt to be unique they end up being hilarious. I made sure I had memorabilia of each, anyways I wasn't going to 'bell the CAT' I might as well make the most of the money spent. :)

I'll relate my entrance. They will by and large have the main gate locked so that people enter through a narrow passage, and they can catch you attention. First will be a couple of young fellows, with bright blue T-shirts, hired by TIME to shake your hands and wish you luck. Did they give brochures, NO, there were others for that. These guys just smiled and shook, what an amazing job, don't you agree. I won't even mention the guys from Proton, Neutron, Electron, Taxila, CATzilla and others giving brochures.

After this comes a stretch wherein there will be guys... in suits this time, wishing you luck again and tying black bands on your wrist. At first I took back my hand, thinking she was tying me a rakhi. Then I looked, and smiled as she 'banded' me. This was from Proton. The band had stuff written on it 'Aaj ka din mera hai' 'Main kar dikhaoonga/dikhoongi' 'CAT phod aayenge hum' 'Jeet lenge hum', aur agar yeh nahin kar paye to Proton mein admission le lenge hum, paise barbad karenge hum, but saala MBA karke rahenge hum!!

Just when you think you've had enough, you see the market of Indians writing CAT, and you feel apologetic for all the curses you've unknowingly flung at local B-Schools and ubiquitous, funny-named coaching centres. You see, when there are people aged above 20, with thick soda glassed spectacles , sitting with their parents, with the mother reciting some auspicious schlokas, with the father pating the guys, others openly flirting and whistling at anything that moves, some who, forget English... can't even speak Hindi for Godsake, some whose last minute preparations mean memorizing tables and meanings of words, smokers and drinkers all coming together to write one of the world's most competitive tests, it all starts to make sense. If it weren't for these coaching places, where would these people be. They would all be engaged in anti-social activities, not that they're not doing it now, but at least they attend classes and do they're anti-socialitities for lesser time. Forget micro-finance, food business and IT startups, open up coaching Institutes. Market is great, people are dumb, parents will spend no doubt, and success is irrelevant. Just make an impressive ad and put it on major dailies, have air-conditioned, spacious, and wi-fi connected classrooms and nothing can stop. And of course, don't forget the laptops.

The paper started and ended. I guess you have enough people to talk about how it was, so I'm not going to waste precious blogospace talking about it. After the paer again it was a great scene. I as usual had to do something silly. I usually drink a lot of water when I get up in the morning, this morning was the same. Just that I didn't go to the loo. Then of course, nature called.. midway into the test and very loudly too. But no harm done, didn't really affect my chances. :)

After the paper, everybody ran out. There was this one girl, who loudly announced, 'Yaar, kal raat night-out maara, and aaj paper mein so gayee' , another guy on the phone, doubtlessly talking to his coachng instructor, 'Sir saare ke saare questions attempt kiye and I am very confident, bas idhar udhar thode guess maare'... and more hilarious stuff.

All in all, it was a great decision, and for those who haven't tried to bell the CAT, do try, if you can't bell at least you'll have fun seeing others try!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Oasis Review Committee

Through the many ORCs that I have been to, I have always wondered about the efficacy of it all. Sure the idea, whoever thought of it, is excellent. A student forum where you discuss the fallacies and mistakes of the Oasis that went by, so as to better the one to come.

But whether a discussion like this, one that requires such co-operation, good intentions and clarity of thought on part of the attendants is really possible in a campus environment? My answer to this is, let's hope so.

So what about this ORC. Well, apart from the ridiculous (though entertaining) commentary, audacious points raised (aspect ratio of the screen!!! c'mon guys) and some un-cooperative individuals, I believe it was one of the better ones. And the fact that though there was a blame-game, it wasn't very serious implies (to me at least) that everybody is now mostly satisfied with their own jobs and what they have. Also seeing the level of co-operation among department/club heads (very clear from the large congratulatory feel of the entire meeting(it was almost as if all had conspired to hide something of the other)), I guess this is a precursor for better Oasis to come.

I don't think any out-of-the blue points got raised, most the chair was already aware of and measures were in place to deal with. I have to mention that Vijay did a fine job of chairing the committee. I had only two issues the Inaug and marketing of the fest!

The Inaug issue was raised several times, and I believe will be appropriately addressed. The second part being marketing.

Every year, this year especially, Sponz works day and night to get sponsorship. Thanks to our stars, they have always been successful. But we have to realize that re-inventing the wheel every year has its disadvantages. We need to have a vigorous marketing campaign to hype Oasis when the sem starts. This will help in several aspects, getting better participants, spreading awareness to sponsors, and add to the popularity of the fest.

I know, having been in the StuCCA how diffcult something like this is going to be, especially monetarily. But we've come quite far with our organisation and just about everything is as good as it could be, I believe this is the next step.

To conclude, I would like to congratulate all department/club people for their co-operation and dedicated work towards a wonderful Oasis.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Ever drowned in a rollercoaster??

I almost forgot about the Travelogue, until Chhotu reminded me the other day. I apologize for the inconvenience, and without delay let me continue.

So we were in Haridwar last time, after which the cars went straight to Rishikesh. Meandering terrain, oily food and sensitive tummies made the trip not so worthy of remembrance. Once we reached there, we took some time to inquire about rafting. After a lot of bargaining, we finally settled for the 26 km rafting, with night stay at their camp, with dinner, breakfast and lunch, all for Rs.1250 per head. I guess it was all more than worth it.

Now the problem with trips involving so much travelling are Nature's calls. Nature has such uncany timing, that its almost like a test, a punishment for our sins. Nature must be saying, "Hmm, so it was you who threw that biscuit wrapper ehh?? Take this!!" And no amount of medicinal, mental and gastromic precautions can prepare you for Nature's missed calls. Ignore them and you're in for it. Fortunately we had just been to Haridwar and all our sins were washed away, and the ones we commited after that weren't so bad. So the network was down mostly, but when the call did come through, there was always a place of worship nearby. :)

A long bumpy ride later, we were there. While the guy was giving us instructions, we were all joking around, he told us what to do in case this happenned or that. We listened half-heartedly. 'He's just telling us as a formality, like when a doctor tells you how much can go wrong in a procedure. It's definitely not gonna happen'. How very wrong we were then!!

After the initial few paces, when I was demoted due to my bad paddling(I have no qualms it, though I still feel he was a !@#$%). Good Afternoon, Rollercoaster, topsy turvy.. these aren't names of cocktails we had, but some rapids that we encountered. Rapids are classified into classes depending on how much you regret having gotten into the raft in the first place.

My raft toppled over the rollercoaster. Though most of you who've been to Rishkesh and didn't topple, will probably be giggling and ridiculing us, it was a brilliant experience. If you ask me, agar tu gira nahin, to tune asli mazaa nahin liya. And this isn't sour grapes, I am being very honest.

We were trapped under the raft and were only midway into the rapid. So when I did somehow get away from the raft to breathe all I got was half a mouthful. All my senses were heightened enormously. And my stomach was filled with Gangajal(guess the ones one my raft I needed cleansing from the inside too). In an attempt to save my life I grappled for anything I could latch onto. I think I got someones index finger, Think God, it didn't come off. Else there would be bigger problems. Finally when we got to the end of the rapid, I had a paddle in my right hand with someone on the other end and the index finger was replaced by a palm to my left. Though it was scary, when I close my eyes and relive that experience, in retrospect I wouldn't have changed it one bit.

The !@#$% then came to out rescue, and he seemed very less of a !@#$% then. :). Some had to be saved by the other raft. There were a few more rapids, but this time with our heightened sense of self, we were paddling better and no incidents followed. We did go overboard to float around, and jumped off an 18 foot cliff(weightlessness is thrilling), but those seem secondary now.

When we weren't paddling for our lives, we took time to take in God's creation at its very best.
Blinking as be an insult to all that we witnessed. No wonder sanyasis of yore came to these places, never to leave. The serenity and calm is endearing.

Much more to come. But later.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

OASIS 2K8... a psentisemite's review

I guess its time for some reviewing. OASIS '08 has been the most enjoyable OASIS for me yet. The reason I will place it above last year's, is not because I didn't have fun then. It was one of the best experiences of my life. But it was a totally different kind of fun, one that many of you will be unable to really appreciate.

So what made it so enjoyable? The whole feel was great. Now ORC aaj raat hai, so let the pros do the criticising, I'll just do the good parts.

The Alumni Band was brilliant. The name itself, 'Not Yet Over The Hill' brought in so many expectations. I guess it was this that really marked the beginning of OASIS. Brilliant enthu, people in their 50s coming back to their alma mater, and doing what they do best, entertain. True BITSian spirit. 'Girl from the Western Coast', our anthem from yesteryear lost in the annals of the 80s and 90s was passed on to us. Lets just hope some of us have that much life inside of us, when we're that age.

Being in Psenti-sem has many advantages, the best being, not caring about delays and screw-ups. So you can enjoy it all, without cribbing and complaining. I attended majorly the Audi events, street plays, Dance workshop a couple of times('twas more fun that I imagined..) Especially the girl teaching, Neil. I made so many mistakes hoping she'd come to correct me but saala woh uska boyfriend hi aata tha :(

The biggest problem was of sleep. There is just that amount of control, I have over my sleep. So had to walk out of good performances to somehow scramble to my room and rest my eyes.

Then of course, Choreo, Razzmatazz, Tarang, Fusion. Every one of them brilliant. A special mention of KK. Totally above my expectations!! What energy yaar, he was like red bull on steriods! I don't think I've ever danced with such silliness in my life. Lounge Piranha too was great, I must commend their stage deco. They had some very simple moving images, of train and fields and fishes, projected mirrorred on stage from the centre. Totally psychedelic!

I was totally determined to headbang for rocktaves, but saala so gayaa. Its unbelieveable. I have slept through so many rock, metal and all those types of performances, that I think I have a problem. I've slept really really clost to the speakers also. I guess above a certain threshold, it sound like a lullaby to my brain.

Waise the greenery/hariyali doesn't need to be remarked upon. I guess most of us can just close our eyes and images come flooding back :) . Very satisfactory!

Lastly I need to mention the company that actually made this Oasis the most special. PCr both psentisemites and juniors, Chussi's brothers and Bharath.

Chussi had invited his brother and his roomie in MBBS from Nagpur for Oasis. They were ammazing company, had a lot of fun with them and being doctors how could we resist asking questions? :P

Bharath is an alumnus, who we out of a stroke of good luck, could accomodate on campus. I can never forget the session we had, where we recounted so many of our experiences. He passed out in '93, but it was like talking to a batchmate. We introduced him to a few BITSian traditions and he reminded us of a few too. The experience was like gazing into a crystal ball for us, we saw ourselves in our future. Still very much BITSians.

Thank you all for a wonderful wonderful time. Can never forget it!

Thursday, November 6, 2008

In continuation

You know what? I just realised that blogging is difficult, seriously. I mean, if you're just another blogger its okay. But with a blog as popular as mine, as seen from the VIZCOUNT thingy to the right, (the code gives the count in multiples of 10*) the expectations rise and you're under so much pressure to improve, and blog better. Whew! But you guys are lucky ki main bhaav nahin khaata, and I love all my fans.

Alright, so the trip. The trip to the Goa Campus was not very eventful. Except for the fact that I was expecting a little family get-together typish lunch, but I was met with a cluster of over 50 Goa BITSians, (our brothers from another mother (winners of the OASIS championship)), some of whom when told by Raman sir that Mr. Arjun Kamath is coming, thought that I was some balding, wrinkling, stripe shirted Physics professor, and greeted me with a confused look "Where is you father, Mr. Arjun Kamath", totally confused when I explained to them that I was a Goan Board topper, from Pilani campus, currently studying there, ex-Gen Sec, not in PS-2 (this one took a while), coming home for Diwali without telling my parents, who met their Director at the airport and was invited for lunch. I wonder why all this was difficult to digest?

There wasn't much that happenned the rest of the time. You see, my friends there aren't like us. They study and do reports two days before the deadline. A shame, that they still haven't learnt to manage their time.

So for the last day, decided to get a tattoo, just for fun. Only one guy, Rohan, a dear friend from 5th std, came along. We shared the enthu of getting our skins embellished by a symbol, as a statement of our sentient humanness, to shout out to the world that we will not conform to the arbitrary rules of an intolerant society, that we are different, we don't care about what we look like, and are happy and satisfied just as God has made us. Simply put to look(rather to feel like we looked) cool!Its a chinese symbol, that means "The Ultimate" or "The highest point". Its on my right shoulder blade, I mean the muscle covering it. :)

So that basically covers the Goa trip. Overall very very enjoyable, great memories. There was this one incident that happenned on the flight back to Delhi, that is more memorable because of the where it was done rather than that what. It gave me a great sense of accomplishment, my wingies too gave me a pat on the back. But because of the wider audience of the blog, it would be inappropriate to reveal it here. So just be happy for me.

So long and thanks again. I love all you fans.

*HAHA, joking. Actually its multiples of 9

PS: A note to bloggers using ScribeFire to blog on Mozilla. It's good,but beware, save regularly. I had to write this post twice.


Friday, October 31, 2008

Eventful trip home

After the terrific surprise to my parents, the homemade delicacies, burning down of demons, a trip to BITS-Goa campus and other stuff, I believe I should continue posting on the eventful trip. We last saw me leaving for Delhi to catch a flight home. So I continue from thereon.

We all awoke at around 7am, well just me, everyone else was awake and staring at me. I had a brilliant sleep at the back of the Tavera, my favourite place to sleep, unless there's too much luggage. I awoke to the beauty that is Delhi, not to say that the city is very beautiful, just the other-side-greener-grass theory. The vibrancy of the place cheers me up, everybody is in a hurry. Pilani is always sleepy, or rather in Pilani I always am. Delhi is nice, and our hangout is C'not. What did we do there so early.. buffet breakfast @ Nirula's. Those who've been there, done that are probably licking ther lips and feeling their wallets. Those who haven't can talk to the former, and feel the envy.

Now the driver was in a weird sort of hurry, a hurry that defied most bounds of logic. Since most of us have been through a hurried group being driven by an even more hurried driver, I will go straight through to the airport. I'm sure I looked like a terrorist there, with a weird haircut, unbrushed, unshaven and unbathed for a week and 4 days respectively(c'mon guys, 'twas OASIS). Having arrived 2 hours early I went about everything coolly. As I was punching in my cabin luggage in the overhead compartment, I heard a voice calling out my name. Looking back I saw Meenakshi Raman ma'm and her daughter Priya smiling. What a coincidence, huh? Now you know how difficult it is to have a conversation when the plane is about to take-off, so I just smiled back, Hello'd and got to my seat.

The plane was not overly booked. It was filled with many foreigners. Foreigners..leaving for Goa. Hmmm I wonder why? :)

I don't like moving about the plane much, I was tired, and there was a couple aheard of me, doing what couples do( making giggling noises and ignoring everybody else) so I just went to sleep.

I woke only to brilliant night lights below. I love to look down from the window and revel at man's creation. The streetlights, headlights and all the other lights glimmer and glitter like a diamond neclace. It's like the sky is both above and below you, but it's the one below that captivates you, because its so alive. So many colours, some moving curiously, some strong and extra-bright, some twinkling childishly, and some just standing and waiting. The sight makes you forget all else and just take in the view.

Once we landed, I met them at the luggage conveyor belt, and told them in detail about the vagaries of my trip. I best thing about doing something unorthodox and unnatural as the look on people's face when you tell them what you've done. It's very satisfying, and gives up a very false athough realistic sense of achievement. Damn cool.

Now of course, they asked about my whereabouts. And of course, I told that I had to catch a couple of buses to home, and of course, they invited me to come along to be dropped at the nearer bus stop. So basically as it turns out, K E Raman, sir, picks me up from the airport, and later invites me to the campus for a get together, held as celebration of BITS-Goa's winning of OASIS championship. very nice turn of events, what say?

Again it doesn't end here, there's half a post worth of material, so I'll make a short post later. Abhi sona hai. bbye..

Monday, October 27, 2008

1AM: Do I go home? 8PM: AT my doorstep, 2000km away.

I will have to keep the travelogue on hold, for I have funner stuff to talk of.I think the title explains the gist of this post, especially since it's Diwali time and people are scrambling for home. But my readers know that I am not one to disappoint with banal and uninteresting incidents, and they (or rather you) won't be disappointed.

So it went like this. OASIS had just concluded (a post awaits) and people were leaving, PCrites and wingies. In case you don't know, I live in the most beautiful and smallest Indian state, GOA! and being over 2000km away (without exaggeration), it become slightly impractical for me to just pack my bags and leave without a plan, and as a result of this inconveniencing impracticality, it has been only once that I have left for home amidst the semester. This was last sem, during BITS Goa's fest, WAVES, but it was for official purposes, I was Pilani's ambassador there :)

Leaving that aside, the point remains, I never go home, which makes this trip all the more memorable. As Chussi's brother (who had come for OASIS) had to be dropped to Delhi, I decided to accompany them just for fun. Weird you say, just for fun. Come to psentisem and the thin line between weird and routine disappears. Now we were 7 on the Tavera, and I was to come back alone. All were leaving for home. Chussi, his bro, his roomie, Kattu, Aditi and PD (PCr juniors) and of course, yours truly, alone and dejected.

At about 12:30AM (that's at night) I get buzzed by a friend from Goa, he asks me when I am to come down. Without thinking I reply jokingly,"In December and... maybe in a couple of days". After the conversation, I almost dream to myself, "Wouldn't it be great to finally be home for Diwali. But when and how?" I was almost smiling to myself thinking childishly, Yeah right, as I logged on to cleartrip.com, and looked for ticket prices. It was still just a silly little idea, like one's dream to be a 10 pointer, I didn't even expect it to come true. But then again, I was just having fun with the idea.

In comes Kattu,(1 AM) after his packing. I tell him my childish idea, and he says, "Dilli to jaa hi raha hai, aur Diwali bhi hai. Aunty ko surprise de de". But don't have a credit card, and definitely want it to be a surprise. So I use his credit card and buy a ticket for 5k on SpiceJet. 1: 15 AM. It had hardly dawned upon me that I had here an opportunity to give my parents the surprise of a lifetime, and the opportunity had already materialized, THANKS KATTU!!

So a plan, that couldn't be made for 3 and a half years, was made within 15 mins, with no plans of return..yet(am in Goa presently and still no plans of return). Now if you thought the excitement ends here, you're mistaken. The journey to my front door, is worth two more posts. And the Diwali celebrations in Goa, many many more. I am going to be a full fledged ambassador for Goan tourism here. Only when I left Goa for 3 years did I realise that it is without doubt, THE MOST AMAZING PLACE ON THE PLANET, 24X7, 365 DAYS A YEAR!!

Friday, October 17, 2008

Picture Travelogue I: Pilani to Haridwar

Had a test today, Heritage Of India. Brilliant course, one of the best in BITS*. Truly wonderful course material. Yaar, Bharatwaasi hokar agar, Bharat ke itihaas ke baare mein nahin jaanoge to laalat hai tumpar.

Anyway, coming to the travelogue. We left Pilani around 8pm on 7th, the ones with outstation forms coolly sat in the car while the others.... well, we sent them back. But somehow when we were outside the gate they returned. I don't know how they got their fax so soon, but I never asked. A funny thing happenned here, we first got two Taveras, one was parked at Ram, the other took me and Chhotu there from Bhag. Now on that little journey, we realized with increase unease the competency of our driver, he somehow drove on a straight path as though it was a hilly area, so one could only imagine which side of the cliff we'd be when he's driving. So we had to send the guy back, and arrange for a new one. I wonder who gave him a license, or rather let him touch the car.

So once that was done, we drove towards Rohtak to pick up Sabbu. The journey was made pretty eventful, by the young crowd in our car. It was time for some psentisemire orientation. The young recruits got some personal attention, and we enjoyed it. :) Also LJ added to the fun with a piece of paper that he had gotten printed. Now if I post the contents of that paper here, some of you would probably report

At about 11.30 or so we reached Rohtak, and lo and behold, before us was the posing Fash-P, Sabbu.....taliyaaan. For Sabbu, photographs are a lifeline. We have a theory, the rest of us, by which whenever Sabbu is dying, just say, "Sabbu, photo". And even Yamraj, wouldn't be able to stop him then. Needless to say, aunty had packed some goodies for us all, and hum sab kood pade.

When we awoke, it was morning and we had reached Roorkie. After half-an-hour, Haridwar. I haven't been there before, and was looking forward to getting my sins washed away. But when I reached I realized that it was Gnaga that needed a wash. After a trip to Sulabh Souchalaya (Sabbu has a slight fracture so I wonder how he managed Indian style :) ) we had dressed down (as opposed to dressing-up... HAHA I am AK, blogging and awesome) we all jioned in.

Now we've all heard of ice-cold, some have experienced freezing cold, but only a lucky(or unlucky) few have experienced beyond that. Now I won't go into specifics, but everything shrunk... literally.

So all 13 of us shameless, undrunk but high, nude BITSians took it all in. It was brilliant, the current was electric, and after washing our sins' list clean, it was time to start over. So he had breakfast, Pushkar style. 3 plates, 13 empty stomachs and 26 busy hands. 'twas nice....

So after a few million pics, with Sabbu in all of some..twice in some (no idea how that happenned, I guess he's in the camera's cache.. roflmao), we were off to Rishikesh.

More later...

*Actually, main maska lagane ki koshish kar raha hoon. I missed T1 and T1 make-up. So make-make-up ki raah dekh raha hoon. Please don't tell him.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Picture Travelogue

Its been a long time since my last post. I've been out of station, tripped to Rishikesh and adjoining areas. Well, not tripped... you know 'car'ed or rather 'Tavera'ed, with PCr. ( :) ... seriously man, that was bad, even by my standards) By the way, for those on my gtalk and who like me spend most of their time reading through others' status messages, I guess my status message gives a good idea of what I felt about the trip. For those unfortunate souls who aren't and haven't, respectively, it was the season of awesomeness and we all had a fucking great time.

Just for something new to do, I am going to make a picture travelogue of the trip. Hope it'll be nice for all. And by the way, this travelogue is dedicated to PCr: Professionally Crrazzzy(hope I got that right)... Great going guys and gals, WE ROCK!!

It was a long trip and I'm gonna write about each place leisurely, one at a time. If I miss anything, I'll add them later.

The Itinerary was as such:
Pilani-Rohtak: To pick up Sabbu-Haridwar:To wash away our sins... they had accumulated to a Hellish degree-Rishikesh: Rafting, drowning, jumping off 18 foot cliffs... and stuff like that-Bifurcation to two groups: MEN and boys-rest is a chronicle of men, let the boys play with toys-Ookhimath: Night stay and km trek to Devariyataal-Chopta: Night stay and 5 km night trek to Chandrashila, a temple 4 km above sea level, for a piss and to leave our Id cards there-Haridwar: To collect water from the Ganga, and eat at Baba Ramdeo's 5-star ashram-Back to Pilani.

Details in next post...

Cheers,

AK :)

Saturday, October 4, 2008

The mystery that is Psentisem.

One of the most curious things that I found during my initial years at BITS was 'The Psentisemite', and if you thought the 'P' was a weird thing you had better read on.

While the rest of us had things up our asses, noses, ears and what not, the psentisemite oozed and drowned in vellapanti. Sleeping during the day and slumbering during the night, the only time when they left that mysterious castle of Bhag was to attend to-how do I put it?-extracurricular activities.

These were healthy senior-junior interactions during the first month, placements during september, NSP in October and blogging in November.

The psentisem is a transitional phase. It's like a bachelor party, but much longer and without the... ahem XXXXXXXX(this line has been deleted by blogger.com)

All your life before, is a struggle in academic institutions, the fish in the pond metaphor, where one has to shine as an individual and afterwards it is a time of discovery in the corporate world, the shoal in the ocean, where team work rules the day.

This semester helps in that, one does everything in teams :) and acads take a backseat(or rather the luggage compartment) and more importantly one learns several skills that are essential to success out there, to reach 'high' up the ladder. One of these has been banned since 2nd October, and I think you've already figured the second one out.

But on a serious note, this is a time when you realize who your true friends are, especially during the month of September. One's true character comes to the fore, and true bonds are formed.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Why inconvenience regretted?

Though I blog religiously (despite being agnostic.. HAHA bad one right. I couldn't help it) not many people read my blog, I know. But lite. Art isn't created for the public, it's for the artist. So I am going to go on, and some day... some day... I will have my day. Ek kahaawat hai, 'Har blogger ka din aata hai'. So mera bhi aayega.

Anyway coming to the point. I think it's the right time to tell you all why I chose this name. The right time as in, I can't think of anything else to write about and I need to justify my religious commitment to blogging.

I'm sure we all spend a whole lot of time picking our e-mail ids, because believe it or not, it becomes for us an identity, a second name, a name that we choose for ourselves and not one that is given to us because of the colour of our eyes or the day we were born or by putting together syllables from others' names. So choosing an e-mail id is like choosing a shoe, it can be neither too big nor too small, neither too ostentatious nor too run-of-the-mill. It needs to be just right. So after my tremendously successful and appreciation worthy e-mail address, junnaonly (although I didn't get any appreciation it is worthy of it) I had to back it up with a fundoo blog name.

Bahut aaye, bahut gaye. Sab ke sab already taken the. So there had to be a fund that few would understand but all would appreciate.

One of my favourite books is the 'The Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy' series. In one of the books in the series, Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect are in the quest for a planet where God's Final Message To His Creation is located. The message goes like this, "We apologize for the inconvenience".

This was by far the funniest line in the book, and I am sure Douglas Adams fans would agree with me. There was such hype leading up to the event and finally this is what we get.

A blog directly named as that seemed inappropriate, and I didn't want people to reach my blog looking for something else, so I shortened and sweetened it. Both the fund was retained and I got more crap to blog about.

So in conclusion, for those who are right now agonizingly pulling out their hair, the message is thus,

MY BLOGS ARE GOD'S REMARKS(slightly modified to be funner and funnier (note the difference)) SO READ IT REGULARLY. MAKE IT YOUR RELIGION.

PS: Those who have read the book might argue, why not 42. In my defence c'mon guys, that's a fund that's a li'l too fundo.

About Me

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I am Arjun P. Kamath, and I am a nice guy to know.