Sunday, March 8, 2009

Happy Woman's Day

Hey all. Just like all bloggers I keep a check on my visiter count, every day... no every 5 hours... Oh, who am I cheating, half the page loads can be sourced back to my office PC or laptop. And I did it again, about 40 seconds ago, and as with all engineers(read geeks) I look for a pattern.

Don't worry this post isn't going to involve all the 'multiplicities' of the last one, for which, I actually got a few calls from parents of teenage fans, asking me to stop confusing their kid so much- "Already he's got calculus and Organic Chemistry, without me adding to his complications", so this is going to be simple, and being dedicated to Women(that part of the world's population, who always seem to find me smart, charming, funny and sweet, but for some reason prefer to stay away from me) it's straight from the heart(ahhh... that's a killer line isn't it, now if I can only remember it the next time, I'm talking to a pretty girl)

And getting back to the visitor count pattern, what I found was that my count always spikes the day I write a new post, and then almost uniformly dwindles down. However, I had a huge spike yesterday, and it got me thinking. It took me sometime, but I membered that it was 'Woman's Day' and it struck me that all my female fans were probably expecting me to write something, so here I am at 2.50am in the morning, needing to wake up at 9 to go to office and half-drowsy, but still typing furiously(see that's how much I love you all(also you can check my facebook status))

So what do "I" have to say about women, that they haven't already told each other already, about a million times, in every household, college canteen, bus ride, train journey, phone call in every city, state, country, planet(if there were aliens out there, whether or not the know of man's existence, I'm sure they've heard housewives agruing(hey maybe that's why we still haven's had a 'War of the Worlds' yet)). Yeah, a lot has been said about women's over-active auditory capabilities, but you know what, that's a good thing. It keeps them distracted, when we're too busy admiring them(ahh, I'm on a rampage, wait lemme just write this on my palm)

So women, while all the men, make jokes about your bad driving, apparent lack of intelligence, make-up, hours to get ready for a 5 minute event et al, I am going to say that I love you not just despite but because of all these reasons, and I'm also gonna tell you why. (This is what I call niche marketing, because though most of the guys will probably change tabs right about now, am sure the girls will keep reading(have a niche market but capture it)... so all you guys can stop reading and I don't care, have the girls on my side, right ladies?? and please do have patience, this one's long)

Before I start my justification, lemme just say that if God is man's greatest invention(read my post long long ago) God's greatest invention is definitely woman.(I can almost cry with joy, what a line yaar)

Okay, lemme begin. Driving. Ahh, so women make bad drivers, so what? so do men. Statistically, numerically, men are involved in a lot lot more accidents than women. Also in an accident if a woman is involved, there will be no after-shocks. If both parties are men, there will be several mentions of their mothers and sisters, and eventally both end up with broken jaws and bruised eyes.

When a guy on a bike, has so much as scratched another's car, there are talks of 'Pata hai main kaun hoon?' 'Insurance kya tera baap dega' et al, but if a guy has his arm twisted because of a woman driver's obvious mistake, he'll keep a brave face, smile back at her,'koi nahin mamooli sa scratch hai' 'bachpan mein cricket khelte hue bahut aise lage hain' and keep his tears for the hospital(here again, nurse ke saamne smile karega, saala tharki)

Then comes the intelligence part. BITSians and IITians will say that very few girls are able to get admission into their colleges because they're not intelligent. And because of that they're stupid, and you know what that is, that's a truck load of crap. Ask your alumni and they'll tell you that most of what made them succesful, had nothing to do with the engineering courses they learnt there. They mostly end up doing MBAs in HR, marketing, advertising etc, setting up their own businesses and other stuff, in which mostly the 'knowledge' they gained had almost no direct use. Now women know this already and choose not to waste time goining unnecessary technical knowledge. They'd rather not take a seat, rather that make a Naraina's student's years' of study and hardwork go to waste. See their high morals and sacrificing nature. While we guys fight in millions for a hadful of seats, shee! we should be ashamed of ourselves. And besides if women start getting into engineering, what will we men do.

Next is over attention to looks or makeup. I can't possibly begin to explain about this. How often have guys attended classes just for that fleeting glance. In offices too this happens. I have also heard that in some offices, the HR people locate the women's cubicles strategically so that the men are kept... what's the word I'm looking for.. yes motivated. So here again, if a woman can change the productivity of an office just by changing her seat, why should she even bother to work. What are we men for??

There are a few more things too that men keep telling themselves over and over again, to try and feel superior. But we all know somewhere in our heart, that we'd rather like a woman than the alternative(though a few guys are screwed up even here(though a woman liking another is perfectly fine with me and also with most of us-unfairers, we don't mind letting you choose))

But since I'm the first guy to go on public fearlessly and without caring about the painful consequences of this revelation, all the advantages of this realization should go to me. So if any of you girls want to send me a private message, my gmail address is

Its 4am now and will probably have a bad Monday tomorrow, but its okay. No pain, no gain. Also I apologize for the lack of quality writing here, I just typed all that I felt, and didn't really analyse or think over choosing better words and stuff, so please forgive me.

And before you leave, let me give you one more killer-liner. It's my own, just like all the above ones. So if you hear me telling you this, please get the message soon, and go o a date with me. Chalo cya.

One more, I was always taught that in the animal kingdom, the males are usually more visually attractive, to attract the female, but you know what, in human's that rule doesn't apply. (Now tell me that isn't the pick-up line of the century)

About Me

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I am Arjun P. Kamath, and I am a nice guy to know.