Thursday, April 23, 2009

The best professions

Hello guys. Don't be shocked, it is me! No, I didn't get kidnapped in Hong Kong(though there were a couple of places where I would've liked to have gotten lost), nor did I fall to my death from the highest bungee in the world in Macau (I won't tell you guys to try it, not because it wasn't the awesomest thing I've done , but because I know you don't have the balls :P )

Now actually I am a bit tired of posting about my travels, I mean its monotonous. We go, we have fun, we do weird and crazy stuff, I blog about it, you all get jealous and depressed & ask yourself what big losers you are... so on and so forth. Not that I don't enjoy it, but its no challenge. I mean, how creaive can you get just reporting on cool stuff. So this time, I'll change. Btw this topic has been on my mind for some time now, roughly 10 and half minutes. That's more than most others, so before I forget what this is all about, lemme begin. Also this post is dedicated to Shabby. She's the only one of my millions of fans, who is not scared to remind me of my duty towards you all.

As an engineer my job involves doing real stuff and contributing to my company in a meaningful way... or at least pretending to do so. But there are a few professions where people seem to get money for doing totally nothing. Let me give you some examples.

Take a film critic- by far the awesomest job in the world. This guy does what we all do- day in and day out, there is no assessment of his job, nobody questions his integrity or knowledge, and actually gets paid for all this. Regardless of his opinion, there will always be people on his side and the best part is that he gets to screw people's happiness by giving out spoilers. I mean what can beat that.

Cricket commentry are another effortless and brilliant job. You get the best seats, nobody seems to mind your horrible English, if its a test match you can actully talk of your family problems and people will like you more for it, even if you sucked at the game when you played you get to point fingers at the best players of the day, you get to travel to awesome places, the more rubbish you talk the more you get noticed... what else can you want man!

Then there are newsreaders. While the reporters are busy going from place to place, toiling in the hot deserts of Rajasthan or in the freezing cold of Ladakh, in war zones and police stations, the pretty newsreaders become the face of this news and mostly get the credit for it. All you have to do is be literate, not blind and female and the whole world will watch. If you're pretty, guys will forget cricket matches and their wives to watch the news.

Modelling is another cool thing. It's tough if you're a guy, I mean what can he show that the men haven't seen already :P

Bungee jumping is another thing that comes to mind. But it's not for people like you.. losers I mean. :) Okay okay, I'm going to far with this.

Going a little bit more practical. The guys in HR and IT also seem to be having a ball. Both groups do exactly what most of us have done in our college lives. They do stuff which is mostly totally irrelevant to what the company does. Since the practices keep evolving and changing, there's always an excuse for screwing up, "The software update is not compatible with our harware, and the redundancies keep mounting " or "The social scenario had changed the group dynamics and the resultant employee dissatisfaction could not have been forseen " and crap like that. They actually get paid for browsing the net, you can't even question them if they are facebooking all day. And again, if you're female just smile, and everything gets done. Being an intern also is somewhat close to this category, but at least we have to submit reports.

Another aweosme group is the 'panel of experts'. If you've ever watched the news, there are always these panel of experts who seem to have an opinion on everything. Whether they've read anything relevant, or even give a shit is totally questionable. The same lady talks about elections, greenhouse effect and child labour too. And if you're on IndiaTV or Zee News, its totally awesome. Just make stuff up on the spot, absolutely anything! The more stupid you are the more you get called. Here you don't have to be good looking, in fact the more moles you have on your face or the worse your dressing sense, the more people are convinced of your expertise.

There are a few more I could think of given some more time, but lite yaar, bahut likh liya. Shabby khush!! Aur bhaiyyon aur unki behnon, I know you love me, but yaar roz thodi likh sakta hoon. Meri bhi limitations hain, familial responsibilities hain, so kabhi kabhi gen mein blog visit kiya karo. Count bahut dheeme chal raha hai aaj kal.

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I am Arjun P. Kamath, and I am a nice guy to know.