Hey all. Just like all bloggers I keep a check on my visiter count, every day... no every 5 hours... Oh, who am I cheating, half the page loads can be sourced back to my office PC or laptop. And I did it again, about 40 seconds ago, and as with all engineers(read geeks) I look for a pattern.
Don't worry this post isn't going to involve all the 'multiplicities' of the last one, for which, I actually got a few calls from parents of teenage fans, asking me to stop confusing their kid so much- "Already he's got calculus and Organic Chemistry, without me adding to his complications", so this is going to be simple, and being dedicated to Women(that part of the world's population, who always seem to find me smart, charming, funny and sweet, but for some reason prefer to stay away from me) it's straight from the heart(ahhh... that's a killer line isn't it, now if I can only remember it the next time, I'm talking to a pretty girl)
And getting back to the visitor count pattern, what I found was that my count always spikes the day I write a new post, and then almost uniformly dwindles down. However, I had a huge spike yesterday, and it got me thinking. It took me sometime, but I membered that it was 'Woman's Day' and it struck me that all my female fans were probably expecting me to write something, so here I am at 2.50am in the morning, needing to wake up at 9 to go to office and half-drowsy, but still typing furiously(see that's how much I love you all(also you can check my facebook status))
So what do "I" have to say about women, that they haven't already told each other already, about a million times, in every household, college canteen, bus ride, train journey, phone call in every city, state, country, planet(if there were aliens out there, whether or not the know of man's existence, I'm sure they've heard housewives agruing(hey maybe that's why we still haven's had a 'War of the Worlds' yet)). Yeah, a lot has been said about women's over-active auditory capabilities, but you know what, that's a good thing. It keeps them distracted, when we're too busy admiring them(ahh, I'm on a rampage, wait lemme just write this on my palm)
So women, while all the men, make jokes about your bad driving, apparent lack of intelligence, make-up, hours to get ready for a 5 minute event et al, I am going to say that I love you not just despite but because of all these reasons, and I'm also gonna tell you why. (This is what I call niche marketing, because though most of the guys will probably change tabs right about now, am sure the girls will keep reading(have a niche market but capture it)... so all you guys can stop reading and I don't care, have the girls on my side, right ladies?? and please do have patience, this one's long)
Before I start my justification, lemme just say that if God is man's greatest invention(read my post long long ago) God's greatest invention is definitely woman.(I can almost cry with joy, what a line yaar)
Okay, lemme begin. Driving. Ahh, so women make bad drivers, so what? so do men. Statistically, numerically, men are involved in a lot lot more accidents than women. Also in an accident if a woman is involved, there will be no after-shocks. If both parties are men, there will be several mentions of their mothers and sisters, and eventally both end up with broken jaws and bruised eyes.
When a guy on a bike, has so much as scratched another's car, there are talks of 'Pata hai main kaun hoon?' 'Insurance kya tera baap dega' et al, but if a guy has his arm twisted because of a woman driver's obvious mistake, he'll keep a brave face, smile back at her,'koi nahin mamooli sa scratch hai' 'bachpan mein cricket khelte hue bahut aise lage hain' and keep his tears for the hospital(here again, nurse ke saamne smile karega, saala tharki)
Then comes the intelligence part. BITSians and IITians will say that very few girls are able to get admission into their colleges because they're not intelligent. And because of that they're stupid, and you know what that is, that's a truck load of crap. Ask your alumni and they'll tell you that most of what made them succesful, had nothing to do with the engineering courses they learnt there. They mostly end up doing MBAs in HR, marketing, advertising etc, setting up their own businesses and other stuff, in which mostly the 'knowledge' they gained had almost no direct use. Now women know this already and choose not to waste time goining unnecessary technical knowledge. They'd rather not take a seat, rather that make a Naraina's student's years' of study and hardwork go to waste. See their high morals and sacrificing nature. While we guys fight in millions for a hadful of seats, shee! we should be ashamed of ourselves. And besides if women start getting into engineering, what will we men do.
Next is over attention to looks or makeup. I can't possibly begin to explain about this. How often have guys attended classes just for that fleeting glance. In offices too this happens. I have also heard that in some offices, the HR people locate the women's cubicles strategically so that the men are kept... what's the word I'm looking for.. yes motivated. So here again, if a woman can change the productivity of an office just by changing her seat, why should she even bother to work. What are we men for??
There are a few more things too that men keep telling themselves over and over again, to try and feel superior. But we all know somewhere in our heart, that we'd rather like a woman than the alternative(though a few guys are screwed up even here(though a woman liking another is perfectly fine with me and also with most of us-unfairers, we don't mind letting you choose))
But since I'm the first guy to go on public fearlessly and without caring about the painful consequences of this revelation, all the advantages of this realization should go to me. So if any of you girls want to send me a private message, my gmail address is junnaonly@gmail.com
Its 4am now and will probably have a bad Monday tomorrow, but its okay. No pain, no gain. Also I apologize for the lack of quality writing here, I just typed all that I felt, and didn't really analyse or think over choosing better words and stuff, so please forgive me.
And before you leave, let me give you one more killer-liner. It's my own, just like all the above ones. So if you hear me telling you this, please get the message soon, and go o a date with me. Chalo cya.
One more, I was always taught that in the animal kingdom, the males are usually more visually attractive, to attract the female, but you know what, in human's that rule doesn't apply. (Now tell me that isn't the pick-up line of the century)
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
LIFE-a series of patterns
I know you usually come here expecting, some silly, sarcastic, pun-infused post replete with snide remarks and innuendos, that would bring a smile to you weather-beaten, test-striken, sleep-deprived, mess-nourished, unsatisfied, boring selves. Waise me too- I too often begin with something funny, potentially extraordinary, ticklingly humourous, unchronicled therefore (thankfully for me) unverifiable incident/experience/conversation/observation in mind, but sometimes, my expressively intelligent, uncannily observant, brilliantly thoughtful and unfairly gifted mind, notices/comes across/feels/ponders over something and I am obliged to report it.
Have you ever wondered/thought about/pondered over/been pensive about the fact that your life, existence, being, self could be just a series of patterns/a kaleidoscope with the same parts as everybosy else only marginally different/just one measly permuttion of the giant chess board of cosmos. Think about it, wonder over it, deduce it or just read on. Everything that you have done, thought, dreamt, typed, coded or messaged are doing, thinking, dreaming, typing, coding or messaging or will do, think, dream, type, code or message has at some point in history, at some level already been done, thought, dreamt, typed, coded or messaged by someone else, in a terrifyingly similar manner. Its Deja Vu, but at a whole new level.
It is imperative/essential/necessary/important to not look at this theory/notion/idea/thought experiment from extreme points of view. That would be foolish/stupid/silly/like running-away-from-the-truth. If you think from too high a level of abstraction(lingo of an electronics engineer working with VLSI), you may retort/disagree/comeback/repudiate that your 4 years of college life have been different from that of anybody else/unique/extraordinary/deviod of patterns, that today you did it with your left hand, while watching this, and were turned towards that direction etc etc.
From too low a point of view, it seems hardly relevant/pertinent/worthy-of-observation/not trash. Of course, someone, somewhere has thought of this way of playing cricket, has written this exact same sentence, has twittered this exact same message and so on.
Think midway/halfway through/average-it-out, and it starts getting creepy/uncomfortable/annoying/irritatingly noticeable. The uniqueness of our being seem to get threatened/come under question/come under the scanner. Life seems like a black box, a computer program, an algorithm which though different has common patterns found in everybody's life.
So what am I getting at/coming to/what is my motivation/intent? Given that I have told you this, or that you had thought of it before and dismissed it, just ponder/ruminate/think/look over it. Does this make your attitude towards life any different/does it alter your actions/does it change your thought process?
I am not saying/proclaiming/ideating/implying that everything that can be done has been done(though in a way it is true... think string theory level) but just that does this realisation change anything or mean anything at all? Is this subconscious/conscious desire to be the first in something, just-one-thing, what drives achievers to achieve, dreamers to realize, and thinkers to think, inventors to invent, electronics engineers to imagine, A7ites to... (sorry can't think of anything they do)? Is this what pushed the protagonist in the true-story-turned-into-aweosme-must-watch-movie 'Into the wild' leave behind everything he had worked for/dreamt of/achieved/gained in life in search of the 'truth'?(The movie does imply differently, but its just the director's/sreenplay-writer's/producer's/story-writer's point of view, and this is my own(just-thought-of-a-minute-ago) theory)
Okay, this is a deep deep question, at least for me? And if you dare to admit it. it probably is for you too. Do I have an answer/reply/solution/life-altering-deduction? Not really. But how do I feel/behave/fight-back/resist-the-urge-to-do-an-'Into the Wild'-myself? For one, I have begun playing with patterns (for my observant fellows), in an attempt to defy/deny/resist/fight the law/theory/notion/idea.
However on a serious/observant/unsarcastic/non-funny note, I believe, one should think about it, yes ruminate and sit over it, but not let it affect you too much. After all, if the theory/idea/notion/thought experiment is wholly/truly/more-than-partly true/correct/verifiable/undeniable, you'd have read this post many times over, and I and many others would have written this several times before. But/however/as a matter of fact the effect that this idea has had on me, and maybe you too, at this time, at this position of clock hands/this position of the calendar sun/this pattern of bits in the code of the digital clock on the botton right of your windows desktop(or wherever you put it in ubuntu/fedora/leopard/xubuntu), in the room that you are sitting in right now, this amalgamation of latitude and longitude and relative positionn of the earth with respect to the sun has never been felt by either you or me, or anybody else.
A t-shirt quote comes to mind, clinging to the periphery of my mind, knocking at the door of my imagination.
ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE UNIQUE, JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE!
PS-1: For the record, no thesaurus was referrred to, peeked into, sifted through, or physically used in any conceivable manner, during the typing, writing, thinking, brooding over or publishing of this post, piece, unpoetic verse, set of paragraphs... ok I'm tired now. Tired/exhausted/brain dead/linguistically deprived/mentally stressed... ok cut it out. Cut it out/stop/prevent oneself from engaging into some activity/negative of continue...Aahhhhhh.
Also, I'd have polished the language a little more, but I am already in office for an extra half hour, and want to go home! So
Cya, Au Revior, Good bye, Sayonara(misspelt I guess), kal milte hain, falya melooya(konkani for dummies)... insert telugu, mandarin, tamil, german, kantonese, malayalam et al.
PS-2: It is not mandatory to smile after reading this line.
PS-3: You did smile, didn't you. :P
Have you ever wondered/thought about/pondered over/been pensive about the fact that your life, existence, being, self could be just a series of patterns/a kaleidoscope with the same parts as everybosy else only marginally different/just one measly permuttion of the giant chess board of cosmos. Think about it, wonder over it, deduce it or just read on. Everything that you have done, thought, dreamt, typed, coded or messaged are doing, thinking, dreaming, typing, coding or messaging or will do, think, dream, type, code or message has at some point in history, at some level already been done, thought, dreamt, typed, coded or messaged by someone else, in a terrifyingly similar manner. Its Deja Vu, but at a whole new level.
It is imperative/essential/necessary/important to not look at this theory/notion/idea/thought experiment from extreme points of view. That would be foolish/stupid/silly/like running-away-from-the-truth. If you think from too high a level of abstraction(lingo of an electronics engineer working with VLSI), you may retort/disagree/comeback/repudiate that your 4 years of college life have been different from that of anybody else/unique/extraordinary/deviod of patterns, that today you did it with your left hand, while watching this, and were turned towards that direction etc etc.
From too low a point of view, it seems hardly relevant/pertinent/worthy-of-observation/not trash. Of course, someone, somewhere has thought of this way of playing cricket, has written this exact same sentence, has twittered this exact same message and so on.
Think midway/halfway through/average-it-out, and it starts getting creepy/uncomfortable/annoying/irritatingly noticeable. The uniqueness of our being seem to get threatened/come under question/come under the scanner. Life seems like a black box, a computer program, an algorithm which though different has common patterns found in everybody's life.
So what am I getting at/coming to/what is my motivation/intent? Given that I have told you this, or that you had thought of it before and dismissed it, just ponder/ruminate/think/look over it. Does this make your attitude towards life any different/does it alter your actions/does it change your thought process?
I am not saying/proclaiming/ideating/implying that everything that can be done has been done(though in a way it is true... think string theory level) but just that does this realisation change anything or mean anything at all? Is this subconscious/conscious desire to be the first in something, just-one-thing, what drives achievers to achieve, dreamers to realize, and thinkers to think, inventors to invent, electronics engineers to imagine, A7ites to... (sorry can't think of anything they do)? Is this what pushed the protagonist in the true-story-turned-into-aweosme-must-watch-movie 'Into the wild' leave behind everything he had worked for/dreamt of/achieved/gained in life in search of the 'truth'?(The movie does imply differently, but its just the director's/sreenplay-writer's/producer's/story-writer's point of view, and this is my own(just-thought-of-a-minute-ago) theory)
Okay, this is a deep deep question, at least for me? And if you dare to admit it. it probably is for you too. Do I have an answer/reply/solution/life-altering-deduction? Not really. But how do I feel/behave/fight-back/resist-the-urge-to-do-an-'Into the Wild'-myself? For one, I have begun playing with patterns (for my observant fellows), in an attempt to defy/deny/resist/fight the law/theory/notion/idea.
However on a serious/observant/unsarcastic/non-funny note, I believe, one should think about it, yes ruminate and sit over it, but not let it affect you too much. After all, if the theory/idea/notion/thought experiment is wholly/truly/more-than-partly true/correct/verifiable/undeniable, you'd have read this post many times over, and I and many others would have written this several times before. But/however/as a matter of fact the effect that this idea has had on me, and maybe you too, at this time, at this position of clock hands/this position of the calendar sun/this pattern of bits in the code of the digital clock on the botton right of your windows desktop(or wherever you put it in ubuntu/fedora/leopard/xubuntu), in the room that you are sitting in right now, this amalgamation of latitude and longitude and relative positionn of the earth with respect to the sun has never been felt by either you or me, or anybody else.
A t-shirt quote comes to mind, clinging to the periphery of my mind, knocking at the door of my imagination.
ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE UNIQUE, JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE!
PS-1: For the record, no thesaurus was referrred to, peeked into, sifted through, or physically used in any conceivable manner, during the typing, writing, thinking, brooding over or publishing of this post, piece, unpoetic verse, set of paragraphs... ok I'm tired now. Tired/exhausted/brain dead/linguistically deprived/mentally stressed... ok cut it out. Cut it out/stop/prevent oneself from engaging into some activity/negative of continue...Aahhhhhh.
Also, I'd have polished the language a little more, but I am already in office for an extra half hour, and want to go home! So
Cya, Au Revior, Good bye, Sayonara(misspelt I guess), kal milte hain, falya melooya(konkani for dummies)... insert telugu, mandarin, tamil, german, kantonese, malayalam et al.
PS-2: It is not mandatory to smile after reading this line.
PS-3: You did smile, didn't you. :P
Monday, February 23, 2009
My first marathon
Whew! that's one more thing ticked off from my list of things to do before I die. That list is pretty long waise. The other recent ones I ticked off were, fooling a large section of an intelligent society for a year(I did that in my 3rd year at BITS), get a massage from a massuese(??), improve my memory and a few more that I can't remember.
So it was 7.30 and I was at the F1 pit lane, the race started from there(there there F1 fans, I know life is unfair, but some of us-like me- are just better, smarter and more handsome than others-like you, so go ahead and bag your head on the wall, it will all be alright once you return from MedC). There were like a million cyclists, totally appropriate and overly loud music(they were playing Nelly Furtado's 'Say It Right' for Heavens(or Kashmir* for atheists) sake(I know the Kashmir joke was criminal but sorry folks, I've already typed it)), a curiously accented announcer(his voice was a mix between a totla and a popat) whose jokes would fail to make Siddhu laugh... oh wait, I'm sorry, I think he already is.
The race was great, I mean for the people who were racing. I was more like a spectator, with a great seat of the action. Though the participants weren't allowed to get along music players(by which logic I should've been allowed) I had plenty of music to hear, the WOOs of the woo-girls stationed to cheer us up and boy! did they succeed, every time I saw them, I was like standing on the pedals and pumping hard, and as soon as they were out of sight, back to pedaling just to keep balance, then there were the whooshes and wheens of overtaking cyclists, which btw was an extreme test of my self-confidence, if I had any less, I'd have jumped and drowned into the Singapore River. Then of course, the chirping of birds, rustling of leaves, and internal self loathing at watching 50 year-olds overtaking you. But no sweat, there is always the escape route, the excuse theory. This theory states that, in any case of utter failure, the feeling of badness, is inversely proportional to the number of excuses you make(however atrocious and irrelevant) to justify your performance. Being an active follower of this theory, my mind was set to work even during the race, and that's my excuse no.1, I was thinking so much with my over-active oversmart brain, that the blood flow was insufficient for my legs, hence I didn't perform optimally.
Some more follow,
2. There were too many photographers on the way and I didn't want to deny them a prize shot.
3. I started slow to save my energy for the end, but since there weren't any signboards of the no. of kms left, by the time I was ready for the push, I had already been through 39km.
4. There were too many woo girls and all the blood that my heart pumped went to you-know-where.
5. I didn't want the others to feel demoralized.
6. I did it for the children( a very versatile excuse, fits every occasion)
7. I was too busy admiring the countryside, to do any serious riding. The others have no idea what they've lost.
8. Its not about winning or losing, its about the spirit of participation.(my all time favourite, never fails)
9. I was just warming up for my next marathon, can't put all your effort the first time right?
10. I came first from behind(lol, this is one we used to tell each other as kids!)
If you want more, just use your imagination, and me, this theory works. Try it!
Just after crossing the finish line, the sun came out... (there's another one, 11. My Kryptonian energy cells never got activated) and the kids race started. They did give us all gold medals(see excuse no. 8) and we took all sorts of pics, from the pit lane :P
Apparently, Tiger Balm was a sponsor of the event and they had professional masseurs providing FREE massages to all those interested and to Indians (that was a joke, so giggle) Needless to say I went straight ot that counter and got a coupon.
During the massage, I did get reminded of that touching sad movie of a lonely guy who finds his true love while getting a massage. I think I need to watch it today, truly do. Seriously man, awesome movie.
Ahhh, I am getting distracted, so suffice to say that it was a wonderful experience and I thoroughly enjoyed it- although my extremely desensitized groin area would beg to differ. All in all, it was a nice awakening of my preparation level for the real test, the Sundown Marathon. There I have to actually run 42km, and though my groin area would be pleased not to be in the hot seat, I hope the rest of me doesn't crumple like that villain robot in Terminator 2 after the now California Governor shotguns him(Okay! that was seriously bad, sorry I didn't sleep enough last night)
*For those who didn't get this joke, isn't it said that the Kashmir Valley is heaven on Earth. If you still didn't get it, thank you for voting for me.
So it was 7.30 and I was at the F1 pit lane, the race started from there(there there F1 fans, I know life is unfair, but some of us-like me- are just better, smarter and more handsome than others-like you, so go ahead and bag your head on the wall, it will all be alright once you return from MedC). There were like a million cyclists, totally appropriate and overly loud music(they were playing Nelly Furtado's 'Say It Right' for Heavens(or Kashmir* for atheists) sake(I know the Kashmir joke was criminal but sorry folks, I've already typed it)), a curiously accented announcer(his voice was a mix between a totla and a popat) whose jokes would fail to make Siddhu laugh... oh wait, I'm sorry, I think he already is.
The race was great, I mean for the people who were racing. I was more like a spectator, with a great seat of the action. Though the participants weren't allowed to get along music players(by which logic I should've been allowed) I had plenty of music to hear, the WOOs of the woo-girls stationed to cheer us up and boy! did they succeed, every time I saw them, I was like standing on the pedals and pumping hard, and as soon as they were out of sight, back to pedaling just to keep balance, then there were the whooshes and wheens of overtaking cyclists, which btw was an extreme test of my self-confidence, if I had any less, I'd have jumped and drowned into the Singapore River. Then of course, the chirping of birds, rustling of leaves, and internal self loathing at watching 50 year-olds overtaking you. But no sweat, there is always the escape route, the excuse theory. This theory states that, in any case of utter failure, the feeling of badness, is inversely proportional to the number of excuses you make(however atrocious and irrelevant) to justify your performance. Being an active follower of this theory, my mind was set to work even during the race, and that's my excuse no.1, I was thinking so much with my over-active oversmart brain, that the blood flow was insufficient for my legs, hence I didn't perform optimally.
Some more follow,
2. There were too many photographers on the way and I didn't want to deny them a prize shot.
3. I started slow to save my energy for the end, but since there weren't any signboards of the no. of kms left, by the time I was ready for the push, I had already been through 39km.
4. There were too many woo girls and all the blood that my heart pumped went to you-know-where.
5. I didn't want the others to feel demoralized.
6. I did it for the children( a very versatile excuse, fits every occasion)
7. I was too busy admiring the countryside, to do any serious riding. The others have no idea what they've lost.
8. Its not about winning or losing, its about the spirit of participation.(my all time favourite, never fails)
9. I was just warming up for my next marathon, can't put all your effort the first time right?
10. I came first from behind(lol, this is one we used to tell each other as kids!)
If you want more, just use your imagination, and me, this theory works. Try it!
Just after crossing the finish line, the sun came out... (there's another one, 11. My Kryptonian energy cells never got activated) and the kids race started. They did give us all gold medals(see excuse no. 8) and we took all sorts of pics, from the pit lane :P
Apparently, Tiger Balm was a sponsor of the event and they had professional masseurs providing FREE massages to all those interested and to Indians (that was a joke, so giggle) Needless to say I went straight ot that counter and got a coupon.
During the massage, I did get reminded of that touching sad movie of a lonely guy who finds his true love while getting a massage. I think I need to watch it today, truly do. Seriously man, awesome movie.
Ahhh, I am getting distracted, so suffice to say that it was a wonderful experience and I thoroughly enjoyed it- although my extremely desensitized groin area would beg to differ. All in all, it was a nice awakening of my preparation level for the real test, the Sundown Marathon. There I have to actually run 42km, and though my groin area would be pleased not to be in the hot seat, I hope the rest of me doesn't crumple like that villain robot in Terminator 2 after the now California Governor shotguns him(Okay! that was seriously bad, sorry I didn't sleep enough last night)
*For those who didn't get this joke, isn't it said that the Kashmir Valley is heaven on Earth. If you still didn't get it, thank you for voting for me.
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